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“I’m gonna run in and get the cake, I’ll be right back.”
Mason and Holden are done with the meat, and people are starting to fill their plates up, but I want to get the cake out so we can have a proper celebration for Caleb. Grabbing it out of the fridge, I fight my way through the crowd and set it on its own table, puttinggraduatenapkins and plates out.
Violet has made herself event photographer, making sure there are pictures of everyone and everything to commemorate this event. “Caleb, Mason!” She yells for the two of them. “Come over here before someone cuts into this cake. We need a family picture.”
I arrange it so that theCongratulations Calebcan be seen, and then start to step away as the two men come to stand behind it. Mason grabs my wrist. “Rina, where you goin’?”
“To stand over there, so you can get a picture,” I explain, the duh left unsaid in my tone.
“She asked for a family picture.” Mason levels me with a stare.
“And for us to have one of those, you’ll need to be in it,” Caleb finishes for him. “So, come get here in the middle and smile big, Kari.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes, and I have to bite my lip to keep from making an idiot of myself in front of all these people. I close my eyes, step in between them, and do my best to smile as Violet takes a bunch of pictures of the three of us. When she’s done, she comes over, showing us the back of the camera.
“I’m pretty sure–,” Caleb reaches in, cutting a small piece of his cake off and taking a bite, “–that’s the coolest first family picture in the history of the world.”
Seeing the happiness in all our eyes, I can’t help but agree with him.
CHAPTER 22
KARINA
Beginningof June
Months ago when I accepted a request for a message from Mason Harrison on the dating app I’d recently signed up for; I couldn’t have imagined this was where I’d be. Standing in his driveway, fighting to hold back tears as Caleb, the child I never knew I wanted, prepares to leave for college. Beside me, Mason is tense as we try to avert our eyes from the heartbreaking scene going on in front of us. Caleb is leaving for the University of Alabama today, and Jess leaves for Ole Miss two days from now. I’m not sure what the future holds for the couple, but it’ll be almost impossible with them both on scholarships, to be able to keep their relationship going.
They spent the whole night out with one another last night, only showing up here at six-thirty a.m., to fall asleep on the couch wrapped up in each other’s arms. When I woke them up at eight, because Caleb has to be in Tuscaloosa at noon, the stark sadness on both of their faces almost killed me.
“I know how she feels.” Mason’s voice is hoarse. “I know he’ll only be a couple hours away, but you know as well as I do what’s going to happen. He’ll get a life there, trips home will be scarce, and he’s not gonna give a shit about his old man.”
“Now you’re being dramatic,” I whisper back. “Caleb worships the ground you walk on.”
“He did,” Mason concedes. “But he’s his own man now; he won’t need me as much as you think.”
“He’ll need you more thanyouthink.” I put my arms around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder. “I know you’re having a hard time coming to grips with this, even though you’ve had months to prepare, but remember, you have me.”
Menace
Months to prepare. If Rina only knew. I had eighteen years to prepare for the boy turned man in front of me to leave, but faced with it in this moment; I realize it wasn’t long enough. I hold onto her, my anchor in this storm of emotions rioting through my body.
I’d asked him numerous times if he wanted me to go with him to Tuscaloosa, and he’d declined the offer. Saying all he was doing was reporting for summer workouts, he’d be staying in student housing, and there was no reason for me to drag ass there until he was in his dorm when the school year started. I’d fought against it every time, but eventually I had understood; he wanted to do this on his own, wanted to depend on himself, prove to himself he could get around in a place he’d only been a few times. Prove to me he could take care of himself. My fingers grip Karina tighter as Jess steps away from his embrace, gives us a wave, and runs to her car. Given the redness of her cheeks, it’s going to be a few hours before she’s finally calmed down.
“I’ll call her later and make sure she’s okay,” Rina is telling Caleb as he walks toward us.
“Thanks Kari, you’ll never know how much I appreciate it.”
She breaks from me, throwing herself into Caleb’s arms, burrowing her head into his shoulder as the man I raised from an infant holds her tightly against him. There are slight tracks down his cheeks, and he holds her head in the palm of his hand as she presses herself to him. Since the day she took care of him when he was sick, they’ve had a special relationship, and it’s easy to see how much this is killing them too. “Take care of my dad,” I hear him whisper to her. “Make sure he’s happy, don’t give him enough time to be sad.”
“Hey.” I step up. “Don’t you worry about me. I’ve got life here to live, you concentrate on keeping that scholarship and kicking ass on the field. Your room is always open, anytime you want to come here and use it.”
He lets go of her, standing in front of me. The son who fit on my forearm now stands in front of me, the top of his head at my vision line. He almost caught up with me before he stopped growing, but he’ll definitely be more muscular than me when all is said and done. Looking at him, it’s like looking into a mirror, seeing myself at his age, but seeing his future much brighter and full of hope than mine had ever been. For years I’d worried that I’d made the wrong decision when he’d been born. Maybe I should have given him up for adoption, let someone with more money and time than I had raise him, but in the end, I realized nobody loved him as much as I did. No one could, and I’d been happy with my sacrifices, had gladly made them. The pride I feel staring at my son right now is beyond anything I can describe. He and I? We made it. We made it through high school without him replicating my path, and the future is so fucking bright, I have to squint. I truly don’t think there’s ever been a prouder father than I am right now.
The two of us stare at each other for what feels like forever, then I open my arms like I used to when he was a kid. His eyes take one look and he falls into me, wrapping himself around me like he did then. I can hear sniffles from my left, and I know that Rina is losing it as she watches the two of us embrace out here for God and everyone to see. I’m about to lose it too as he tightens his grip around my waist, resting his forehead on my shoulder.
“You’re gonna be…” my voice cracks as I try to give him reassurance. “You’re gonna be fine, Caleb. You’re gonna do amazing there.” I clear my throat, trying to push back the tears I feel threatening to spill. I’ve never held my emotions back from my son, he’s the one person who’s needed to see them, and I’m proud I’ve raised one who doesn’t shy away from his feelings.
“What if I don’t?” His voice is quiet and deep at my ear, full of self-doubt, and holds the tiniest hint of the little boy who asked where his mom was and why he didn’t have cute cupcakes in the second grade when all his friends did.
