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More silence fills the air. It's not often I think about what happened, but it's been on my mind ever since I found those pregnancy tests. I've even had nightmares about it. And I've always wondered if the baby was a boy or a girl and what they'd be like. It'd be an adult by now.
I can't argue my life would've turned out very differently, and who knows if I would have gotten out of Compton. But I still regret what I said to make my ex do that without even talking to me first.
I finish my beer, and Blakely rises. She puts the puppy on the chair and sits on my lap.
King Madden jumps on the chair and barks.
She reaches for him and sets him between us, and he curls into her. My heart soars. Something about Blakely with her dog just makes me feel good.
I tighten my arm around her waist and pat King Madden with my other hand.
She slides her arms around my shoulders, lacing her fingers around my neck. She claims, "It's not your fault, Riggs. She made her own decision."
"I shouldn't have reacted how I did," I repeat.
Blakely stares at me for a moment, then asks, "Did you really think I would do the same thing she did?"
I admit, "You thought you were pregnant, and you didn't say anything to me. You had pregnancy tests and hid them. I didn't know what to think."
"I didn't hide them. They were in the cabinet," she says.
"There's a reason you had them. And you didn't say anything to me," I restate.
Nerves fill her blues. She slowly confesses, "I won't lie to you, Riggs. I wasn't sure if I was, and if I was, I wasn't sure how you'd take it."
More of my past haunts me. I declare, "Because you assumed I wouldn't want our baby." My chest tightens, turning the air in my lungs stale.
She cries out, "No, I didn't say that."
I stay quiet, wishing I could escape my demons and detesting how they never really disappear.
She softens her tone and says, "You were very clear in the contract we both signed that you didn't want a baby."
"You're my wife," I state in a firm tone.
She scrunches her face. "So? That doesn't negate what's in the contract. It was so important to you that you put it in writing."
I've always loved having a contract with my subs. It keeps the arrangement clear. Now that same contract only seems to have made my life more complex. I reply, "Since we're being honest, I won't lie to you either, pet. I didn't want a baby with a woman who wasn't my future. When we signed that contract, all I knew was that I wanted you, but I didn't think we'd end up here."
A bit of hurt fills her face.
I quickly ask, "Did you think we'd end up here? Married? Together forever?"
She slowly shakes her head and lowers her voice, "No, I didn't think you'd want me that long."
Her admission astonishes me. It also hurts. I insist, "It wasn't ever about not wanting you."
She blinks hard, looking at the ocean.
"Pet," I say.
She turns back to me. "You had an expiration date for me. It was very clear in the contract how long we were supposed to be together."
I sigh, confessing, "It's just what I used to do. Don't be mad at me. I never expected you to walk onto that stage."
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens them, they're glistening. Her voice shakes as she accuses, "You wanted to use me to avenge my father. You had those plans when I signed that contract, didn't you?"
My stomach dives. I wince, admitting, "If I could take it all back, I would."
