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Her face hardens. She pushes, "Why?"
I don't understand why she's asking me this, so I question, "Why what?"
Her lip slightly trembles, and I hate that we're discussing this same issue again for what feels like the hundredth time. And we still aren't closer to the forgiveness I need her to give me.
Pain fills her tone. She questions, "You got exactly what you wanted, Riggs, so why would you take it all back?"
There's no hesitation. I reply, "It's not what I want. I see how much it hurt you, and nothing, not even destroying your father in all ways, was worth the consequences."
"You didn't think twice about hurting me," she claims.
"That's not true! I never thought you'd find out, and not once did I consider it would hurt you."
A tear falls down her cheek. She adds, "You hid it from me. You had to know it would hurt me."
I ponder her statement, feeling worse. I slide my hand over her cheek, replying, "I was so caught up in revenge, it's all I saw. But you have to believe me. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. And if I could go back and fix this, I would."
She stays quiet.
More anxiety plagues me. It's a panic that I can't seem to escape. I fear I've lost her and she's never coming back. I tug her closer to me, pressing my forehead to her shoulder, feeling so damn desperate. More loathing fills me, but I have no shame left anymore to worry about. I close my eyes and beg, "Please, forgive me. This is killing me, pet."
King Madden whines, and it matches the constant pain in my soul. He rises and licks my cheek.
She softly laughs.
I lift my head away from her. She holds King Madden next to her, glances at him, then at me. She cautiously claims, "It looks like King Madden wants me to forgive you."
An ounce of hope fills me. I slide my hand over her back, palming her spine. "I admit I've never felt regret in my life, pet. And I've done a lot of bad things, but I've never regretted them. It won't surprise you that I've hurt people, but the only one I've ever regretted hurting is you."
She takes a deep breath and blinks hard. My heart pounds harder, and she finally caves, stating, "Okay."
Hope springs bigger in my chest, but I've felt it before when we've discussed this issue. I don't want to assume anything anymore. So I ask, "What does okay mean?"
She leans an inch from my lips, locking her calm chaos with mine. My cock grows harder. She replies, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget it. But as of this second, I forgive you."
It's not a perfect answer, but it's a start. I open my mouth to speak, but she puts a finger over my lips.
She adds, "I'm going to try and trust you again, Riggs, but I'm not fully there yet. Honestly, I don't know when I will be or if it's even possible."
My gut sinks. Forever is a long time, and I want her to trust me again. I need us to go back to how we were. Still, this is progress. So I nod, replying, "Okay, pet, but I promise you I won't ever do anything to break your trust again. I am going to earn it fully back."
Her expression is hopeful yet cautious. I detest that it's my fault we're still not back to where we were.
She replies, "I want to. I do. And I hope you never do anything again like what you did. Because, Riggs, I will leave you. I can't go through it again. I mean it."
I loathe the thought of her leaving me. I firmly repeat, "I won't," then slide my hand to her hair and fist it.
She gasps, her lips part, and she shifts on my lap.
King Madden barks, but I ignore him.
I tug her head back, lean closer, and state, "I think we need a new contract."
Her eyes widen. She breathes out an "Oh?"
I peck her on the lips and assess her until she squirms in my lap again. I hold in my groan, knowing she's wet. She always is when she does that. I want my body back in hers where it belongs. Fuck, I need my body back in hers. I confess, "There's something I should have said long ago."
She arches her eyebrows.
