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More silence fills the room.
"Pet, tell me the most important thing."
She sighs and replies, "Control over my music."
"Yes. And what did you tell me you wanted me, not Noah, to handle?" I push.
She lifts her chin.
"Answer me. What did you want me to handle?" I insist.
She swallows hard. "Security."
"And why?"
She tries to look away again.
I turn her chin so she can't escape me. "Pet, this is important. No matter what's happened between us. Tell me why you wanted me to handle your security."
She sniffles and takes a few shallow breaths, admitting, "Because you'll always protect me more than anyone."
"Has that changed?" I question, the fear in me rising again.
She scrunches her face as if in pain, confessing, "You didn't protect me against my father. You promised me you always would, and you didn't. You threw me in the lion's den."
So much disappointment in myself reignites. I hate myself for what I've done. But I reply, "Did I hand you over to him? Or at any time did I tell him where you were?"
She cries out, "That doesn't make it right, Riggs. What you did... How could you?"
I've asked myself over and over how I could have been so stupid to make the biggest mistake of my life. But I don't have any answers besides revenge. And nothing I can say will resolve my errors. So I answer, "No, it doesn't make it right. But somehow, Iwillmake this up to you. I promise you I will."
She gives me a look like she doesn't believe me.
Focus on what's important at this moment.
"Do you think what I did means I would ever drop the ball on your security? That I would ever let anybody come near you to harm you?"
She closes her eyes for what feels like forever. I do my best to be patient, but I can't help myself and murmur, "Pet, it's Noah or me. Who do you believe will go to the ends of the earth to protect you?" But I'm afraid of what she might answer, and I've never felt so unsure about anything.
She slowly opens her eyes and admits, "You would protect me more."
Relief fills me. Still, I stay cautious, knowing I'm not out of the doghouse and have a long way to go. I reach for her cheek again, caressing it with my thumb. "That's right, pet. And are you okay with Noah eliminating me from your security or your schedule without discussing it with you?"
She takes another deep breath, then shakes her head. "No, I'm not okay with that."
More relief grows inside me. I continue, treading lightly. "Then give me your permission to continue playing the role you wanted me to—to ensure that you're safe at all times." More silence fills the air, and I begin to panic again. I blurt out, "Pet—"
"I'll allow it for now, Riggs," she interjects.
My pulse skyrockets. I bark, "For now? What does that mean?"
Tension explodes all around us. Her expression only gets firmer, more steadfast in whatever she's trying to express in this statement of hers.
She squares her shoulders and steps back, answering, "It means I hold the cards, not you. If I decide to change things in the future, you have to promise me that you'll respect it and go quietly."
Go quietly?
Every part of that statement, I hate. My insecurity gets the best of me. I blurt out, "We have to get past this, pet."
