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Last night was the closest I’d come to cracking up in a very long time.
After finally calming the kids down and persuading them to go to bed, I’d necked a few of my mam’s valium to calm me the fuck down and help me get some sleep.
The only problem with that had been the fact that my old man decided to make a reappearance in the middle of the night, which meant that I had been too strung out to defend myself when his fists started swinging.
When I woke up this morning, it was to a body of bruises, and a mind that had hit its limit.
I couldn’t fucking do this anymore.
I couldn’t.
Itried.
I did.
I tried so hard to be good, but it never seemed to matter, becausenothingwas going to change for me.
I was never getting away from that house, not while the kids were still there, which meant that in order to survive another day in hell, I found myself breaking promises and slipping back into old habits.
“Was surprised to get your message last night, kid,” he stated. “Haven’t heard from you for a while.
Twist the fucking knife why don’t you.
“Thought you switched up suppliers or something.”
No, I want to keep my legs.
“Listen, lad, it’s like I said last night; I just need some benzos. Same as always. Just something to relax my brain.” Reaching into my pocket, I grabbed the folded wad of cash and dropped it on his lap. “It’s all there.”
He picked up the cash and counted it before offering me a clipped nod.
I was ashamed to say that I lunged for the glove box to retrieve my poison of choice, only to frown when my eyes landed on some serious bullshit.
“Weed, Shane?” Furious, I tossed the bag back into the glove box and ran a hand through my hair in frustration. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”
“There’s been a situation with my carrier,” he explained calmly. “A temporary delay in delivery.”
“Fine,” I bit out, feeling jittery at the prospect of not getting what I’d come for – what I fucking needed. “Got any oxy? Or hydro? A few benzos? Come on, Shane, don’t throw me under the bus like this.”
“Like I said, kid, there’s been an issue with my supplier.” Sparking up a cigarette, he inhaled a deep drag and then tossed both the box and my cash on my lap. “Which means it’s going to be a while before I have your usual.”
“How long are you talking?” I bit out, sparking up a cigarette, as I shakily tucked my cash back in my pocket. “A couple of days? A week? Because I’m fucking drowning here, lad. I can’t wait.“
“Relax, Lynchy,” he interrupted, tone coaxing. “I know you’re in a bad way.”
“Yeah,” I seethed, chest heaving now. “I am.”
There was no point in denying it.
Shane had known me since I was a child.
He could read me like a book.
Nodding in understanding, he reached into his pocket. “Which is why this is on me,” he added, sliding the small paper fold over to me. “No strings.”
Unfolding the neatly wrapped paper, I stared down at the off-white-colored powder in my hands. “That’s not coke, is it?
He shook his head and exhaled a cloud of smoke.
