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A tear slid down my cheek as his words only enforced what I already knew to be true; that I would never get over this boy. “Then put me first bynotdoing this, because I don’t wantthis,Joey. I don’t want your goodbyes.”
“You might not want me to say goodbye, but you need me to.” And then he cut me deeper than a guillotine ever could when he added, “I was always going to fuck this up, Molloy.” With a resigned look, he slowly released me and backed away. “I’m only sorry that I didn’t put you first sooner.”
"Oh my fucking god!" I screamed, throwing my hands up in frustration and panic, as I watched him walk away from me. "You just love ripping the rug out from under my feet, don’t you?" When he didn’t answer, I screamed, "Fine. Walk away!”
With a small shake of his head, he moved for the window.
“Go on.” Desperately trying to save face while my heart shattered to pieces in my chest, I hissed. "Get the fuck out."
My heart hammered as I desperately resisted the urge to stop him from climbing out of my bedroom window.
“Off you go,” I spat instead, bawling like a baby, as I watched him leave. “Turning your back on us at the first sign of trouble.”
"Because I’m not good for you!" Joey roared, climbing back through my window, and stalking back towards where I was standing. “Fuck, Molloy, don’t you get that? I’m not fucking good for you! Last night was just a taster of how it will be, because I can’t change, okay—"
Reckless, I grabbed his neck and pulled his face down to mine, kissing him hard and rough and furiously.
He kissed me back with equal passion and hunger, as he fisted handfuls of my hair and clutched my face between his hands.
“Don’t do this,” I cried against his lips, feeling my tears mix with his. “Please.”
He pressed one final kiss to my brow before stepping away from me. “If I don’t walk away from you now, I never will.”
And then he disappeared out of my bedroom window, dropping onto the roof of the shed below.
“Joey,” I cried, leaning out the window. “Don’t do this.”
With one final glance at me, he pulled his hood up, dropped to the ground, and called out, "I'll be seeing ya, Molloy, " over his shoulder.
And then he was gone.
CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH
DECEMBER 25TH 2004
JOEY
Shook to my core,I made my way home on autopilot, barely managing to put one foot in front of the other, while an internal war raged on inside of me.
My heart was demanding that I turn my ass around and go back to her and beg her to forgive me for something that my brain knew I would do again.
Because that’s whatwouldhappen.
I couldn’t get out of this.
I couldn’t break the fuck free.
And taking her down with me was out of the question.
Feeling worse than I had in a very long time, I ignored multiple groups of children and young families playing out on the streets with their new bikes and scooters, as I crossed through her estate, and headed across the bridge towards mine.
Don’t do this.
Don’t walk away from her.
She’s the only good thing you’ve got going for you.
She’s the only one who gives a shit about you.
