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“That’s because you’re young.” She smiled. “The whole world isn’t black and white, Aoife. There’s a whole lot of grey in the middle.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted with a frustrated sigh. “I don’t get how you can stay with him when he’s proven that he can’t be trusted.” I shook my head and pointed to her. “Look at how ridey you are, Mam.”
“Ridey?”
“It means desirable,” I explained. “Beautiful, gorgeous, fuckable —“
“Okay,” Mam laughed softly. “Thank you for compliment, but that’s enough of the bad language.”
“Well, it’s true. You are stunning, Mam,” I pushed. “Kev thinks his weirdo buddies are coming downstairs to see me, when half of the time it’s to sneak a peek at you.”
“Aoife,” she chuckled.
Sighing, I asked, “Why do you put up with it, Mam?”
“I love him,” she replied. “I have invested more than twenty years of my life into the man and had my children with him. And believe it or not, he loves me, too.”
“Then maybe he needs to love you better,” I told her. “Because his words and his actions aren’t exactly aligning, Mam.”
“No marriage is perfect.”
“No,” I agreed. “But not all wives are cheated on, either.”
“What about Paul?” Mam asked, steering the conversation towards me, tone defensive. “You love him, don’t you? Imagine having spent most of your life raising a family together and then having to—”
“No.”
Mam blinked in surprise. “No?”
“No,” I confirmed, with a shake of my head. “I don’t love Paul, and I have no plans on that status changing.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have no intention of giving a boy that kind of power over me,” I replied simply. “From my viewpoint, men let you down – even the good ones like dad can’t be trusted. So, why would I ever expose myself to that kind of pain? It would be emotional suicide.”
Mam looked flabbergasted as she let out a small laugh. “Aoife, if you don’t have feelings for the poor boy, then why in God’s name have you been going out with him for the past year and a half?”
“Because Ichooseto,” I explained. “Not because Ineedto.”
“And what about Paul?” she demanded. “Have you spared a thought for his feelings?”
“I never said I didn’t care about him, Mam, of course I care.” Shrugging, I added, “I’m fond of him – obviously. I just don’t have those crazy deep feelings that cloud common sense.”
She arched a brow. “Fond?”
I shrugged. “What’s wrong with fond?”
“Fond isn’t a word a girl normally uses to describe her feelings towards her boyfriend.”
“Well, that’s all I have, Mam.”
“But —“
“And if you think that Paul Rice is in love with me, then you’re wrong,” I was quick to point out. “His feelings are as replaceable to him as I am. If we broke up in the morning, I could guarantee you that it wouldn’t take him more than a week, two tops, to move on to someone else.”
“Aoife,” Mam gasped.
“What? It’s true.” Laughing, I waved a hand idly in the air. “That’s how fleeting boys’ feelings are – and I don’t just mean Paul, either. That’s all boys. Sure, he might be pride-hurt, but he would forget about me pretty quickly.”
