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Therefore, it was safe to say that I was coming to the conclusion that I would be better off alone.
Deep down in my heart of hearts, I knew that my giving into giving our relationship another shot had a lot more to do with the hoe-bag who was supposed to be sitting next to me than any of Paul’s apologetic proclamations.
And when I said hoe-bag, I meant Joey.
After our parting of ways at the disco that night, he had wholeheartedly thrown himself into contention for the school slut award.
Unlike before, when he seemed to have a little class and discretion about his conquests. Since that night, he didn’t seem to give a damn about who was watching.
Or that I was watching.
In the weeks that followed since the Halloween disco, we had resumed our comfortable little routine of throwing shade and exchanging banter.
Joey literally never brought up what hadalmosthappened, and acted like nothing had so convincingly, that I sometimes wondered if I dreamt the whole thing up.
I knew I hadn’t, though.
The image of him kissing our classmate was scored on the inside of my eyes.
According to the rumor mill at school, Joey and Danielle had slept together the night of the Halloween disco.
Well, I suppose comparing ‘fucking each other’s brains out against a brick wall at the back of the GAA Pavilion’ to sleeping together was a bit of a stretch.
What I had felt when I first heard about it was worse than bitterness.
It had almost felt like heartbreak.
Rumors had continued to circle through the halls at BCS, horrible, vicious rumors about how they regularly hooked up. Rumors which shredded me every time they came my way.
Sick with jealousy every time I had to endure watching her fawn and paw at him during class, I didn’t even try to fight the murderous feeling that ignited inside of my chest when I saw them together.
Because the truth of the matter was that I felt something for him.
Something I shouldn’t, and something that definitely wasn’t good for me.
But I still felt it.
To Joey’s credit, and contrary to the rumors, he was explicitly tight-lipped. He might have been a fuck boy, but at least he didn’t run his mouth, which meant that however far they had gone that night was never going to be confirmed on his end.
In fact, he treated her no differently to how he always had.
He was the same slightly aloof, a little flirty, and a whole lot of pissed-off Joey.
And while our friendship had remained reasonably intact since Halloween, I couldn’t hide my hesitance – or my hurt.
Witnessing him share one kiss with another girl had both crippled and alerted me to the fact that I needed to stop.
Stop wishing.
Stop hoping.
Stop wondering.
Stop willing.
I needed to juststopwhen it came to this boy.
The realization that Joey could indeed inflict some serious carnage on my heart had me pushing down every feeling that tried to burrow its way to the surface.
