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I could already tell he was. “You will be.” Wanting to know more about him, I asked, “Have you coached before?”
That was probably something I should already have clarified.
He cleared his throat. “I haven’t, actually.”
It felt like there was more to his story, but I didn’t have the right to ask.
“This is my first time, just like it is for you.”
Something about him being vulnerable made my heart clench. “We’ll have to be there for each other.”
Why had I said that? It was too much. Too personal. It hinted at what we’d shared, which we’d promised not to do.
“That sounds good,” he said, seemingly unaffected by my slip. “Just so you know, I’m not completely inexperienced. I played all through childhood and in college. Where I used to live, I played in an adult league.”
“You love baseball.” I could hear it in his voice. His passion.
“I do. I was a standout in my county growing up, but when you get to the college level, you realize how many kids play baseball and how hard the road to the minors, then the majors, is.”
“Did you take that road?” The question was out before I could stop myself.
“I did, but it didn’t work out.” Disappointment seeped into his tone.
He didn’t want to leave baseball, and I wanted to ask why, but we didn’t have that kind of relationship. I was supposed to be keeping distance between us. A heart-to-heart, delving into the past, wasn’t the game plan.
Nick cleared his throat. “I’ll see you on Thursday. I’ll provide snacks.”
“See you then.” As soon as I clicked off, I rested the back of my head against the wall.
“Who was that?” Gia’s assistant, Payton, asked from her desk.
I quickly straightened, not realizing she was back from lunch.
I smiled weakly, hoping she wouldn’t read anything into our conversation. “My son’s new baseball coach.”
“Oh. It sounded personal.” Her tone was light.
“Nope. Just his coach.” I hardened my heart against any residual feeling from our night together or Nick’s offer to help us. Because it wasn’t personal. He was a nice guy doing what he’d do for anyone. He wanted his players on the field, and he’d do anything to make that happen. He wasn’t singling me out. He didn’t want more.
I couldn’t conjure up the memory of us together when I was lonely in bed at night. Nick wasn’t my personal fantasy anymore. He was in our lives for the foreseeable future, and I needed to get used to it.
“Let me know if you have any more clients scheduled,” I said to her.
“Will do. Gia’s really been bringing them in lately.”
“She certainly has.” I was grateful she was good at procuring clients because it made it easier for me. I didn’t need to pay for advertising. I just hoped it would become a steady thing I could count on.
The one thing that I liked to rely on was me. I didn’t usually trust that others would step in to help. I blamed my ex for that. He let me down when I was at my most vulnerable. After feeling sorry for myself, I picked myself up and managed on my own with my family’s help.
It was a hard lesson to learn, and it was one I wouldn’t forget.
Eight
NICK
Iworked from home as an actuary for an insurance company and did bookkeeping and taxes on the side to keep my brain active. When I worked, I quickly lost track of time, immersing myself in the numbers, charts, and graphs.
I loved my job. But I’d almost forgotten that in a few minutes eleven children, their siblings, and their parents would descend on my home.
