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I let out a breath, my stomach in knots as I stared at the boxes of pregnancy tests strewn on the counter. “That’s what it sounded like on the phone last night.”
“He told you over the phone?”
“To his credit, I think he was distracted with everything going on and was just letting everything out. He wasn’t exactly thinking about me. Besides, we didn’t have a relationship. We had rules and parameters.”
“That were broken.”
“Something like that.”
“You ready to find out if you’re going to be a momma for the second time?”
It hit me, then, how I might have been going through treatments with Seth but I’d been alone even then. He’d been pulling away, and I just was so consumed with getting pregnant that I hadn’t realized. At least Nick was upfront with me about his feelings.
“Let’s do this,” I told her.
We took a few of the boxes to the bathroom, where we thoroughly read the directions. I was just putting off the inevitable. My stomach was in knots. My palms were sweaty, and I felt a little light-headed.
“How have you been feeling?”
“My stomach feels weird. Not nauseous or anything. But it’s exactly how I felt when I was pregnant with Hunter. But I’ve been wrong before.” I’d convinced myself I was pregnant many times while we were trying, only to be disappointed.
What did I want the outcome to be? Did I want a baby with Nick? The truth was if we were in a relationship and settled, I’d be overjoyed. I loved being pregnant. The anticipation, the love. Sure, taking care of a baby was hard work, but if you had someone by your side, it made everything more manageable.
But Nick was leaving. I’d be doing it alone.
“Have you told him yet?” Brooke asked.
“I wanted to wait until I knew for sure.” What would be the point if I wasn’t pregnant? He was still leaving. It changed nothing. Not that I wanted him to stay if the test was positive.
“It’s okay to ask for what you need.”
My gaze flew to Brooke’s gentle gaze. “He’s leaving.”
“So, what if this test is positive? You’re going to let him go?”
“I know better than anyone that you can’t control other people. I don’t want to force him to stay.”
“You wouldn’t be forcing him. Be honest with how you’re feeling. That you like him. That it isn’t an arrangement for you anymore.”
“I’m scared. What if he says he doesn’t feel the same way? What if it doesn’t matter? He needs to protect Brody. He comes first.”
“He should make an informed decision. He needs to know how you feel.”
“Should I take this thing?” I asked, picking up one of the boxes and ripping it open. I didn’t want to talk about feelings or Nick anymore. I wanted to know what my future was going to look like. Would I be a single mom of two kids?
I tried to imagine going through everything again, that time alone during the pregnancy. It wasn’t a good feeling. I had Brooke and Ben. But I wanted more. I didn’t want to think about what Brooke said—that I should ask for what I want.
Because what I wanted was Nick, Brody, and Hunter.
“I’ll give you privacy. Call me if you need me.” She hugged me before she walked out.
I was lucky to have her and Ben. They’d be there for me. I read the directions one more time even though I’d done it a billion times before. Then I followed the instructions and sat on the floor to wait.
A soft knock sounded on the door. “You want company?”
“Please.”
Brooke came inside and sat on the floor next to me.
