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“But someone just pointed out to me that what I thought was being thoughtful and responsible, to her probably seemed like I was rushing our date to get it over with.”
Nomi was gripping the wheel so tight she could feel her heartbeat in her fingertips.
“Clearly what I should have done was kept this woman tied to my damn bed, and—”
“Stop.”The word was strangled, almost inaudible, but he stopped speaking the moment it passed her lips.
“Nomi, wait, are you crying?”
“Tareq, stop.You have to stop.”
He reached for the door, face grim.“I’ll leave, just…don’t cry, pretty girl.”
The endearment was the blow that broke the wall she’d erected around her emotions.Nomi covered her face with her hands and sobbed.
“Fuck.”Tareq’s arms came tentatively around her, pulling her into the center console as he tried to hug her.
Nomi indulged for a moment, then sat up.“I did think you wanted to be done with me.That you were trying to get it over with.But I also…I also thought you gave hints about us sceneing together in future.”
He looked confused, but didn’t speak, only nodded for her to continue.
“But I can’t scene with you.I can’t.It’s dangerous.”
Now his expression went blank and hard.“If I crossed a limit or hurt you—”
“Not that kind of danger.No one here is ever worried about that kind of danger.If I could do a study and write a paper about how backwards that is, I’d be famous.”
“Then what danger?”
“Emotional danger.That’s all anyone in here is really worried about.”She gestured to the club.
“That’s why you left?”he asked softly.
“I left because I’m the worst kind of pathetic cliche.”
“Okay, you’ve lost me.”
Nomi planned to say something calm and measured, to explain the scenario she’d played out in the shower where she didn’t fuck a guy on the fourth date.Instead, some not-so-buried self-hate bubbled up.
“The fat, smart girl who falls for the hot guy after five minutes because he’s nice to her?Cliche.The sub who falls for her Dom because she hasn’t figured out how to separate emotional and physical intimacy?Cliche.”Nomi couldn’t look at him, so she stared at her hands, her knuckles white on the wheel.“You know what I started thinking of you as?Boyfriend material.”
“Boyfriend material?”His tone was perfectly neutral, and her peripheral vision wasn’t good enough for her to see his expression.
“Yep.Our conversations, the fact that we can joke and laugh and then still have incredibly hot scenes together…my stupid heart classified that as both perfect Dom and boyfriend material.That’s why I have to go.Not because I was hurt you were rushing to end our part of the game, though I did think that.
“I have to leave, because with you, my compartmentalization is breaking down.Normally I leave everything at the gates.”She gestured to the end of the parking lot where the long palm-lined driveway led down to a set of state-of-the-art gates.
“Nomi, look at me.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t see pity on your face,” she whispered.
“Pretty girl, pity is not what I’m feeling right now.”
“You don’t—”
