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Hudson stands in the doorway, staring at me. He’s changed into his sweats and a white t-shirt that’s stretched across his chest. A tight look lines his eyes. He’s definitely still mad.
“You’re leaving?” he asks. Only he doesn’t sound mad, so much as hurt.
I mirror his stance. “I’m not going to stay where I’m obviously not wanted.”
He moves into the room and slides his hands up my arms.
I don’t pull away. I can’t. And after a moment, I realize I don’t want to.
Not when we’re this close. Not tonight.
He lifts his head to the ceiling before bringing his eyes back to mine, but a different kind of fire is sparking in them now. “I’ve wanted you every single day since you walked into Crucible three years ago, Madison.”
“Oh,” is all I manage to squeak out in shock before I pull it together and tip my head back to look at him. “But you were mad.”
“Yeah. I was. I still am. Because the idea of you getting hurt makes me see red, Maddie. But that doesn’t mean I want you to leave. It just meant I needed a fucking minute to pull my shit together and stop seeing red.” He wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on the top of my head, holding me there until I finally soften and lay my face against him. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t wanted. Don’t leave.”
“I’m sorry too. I didn’t think about any of the ways my getting in the way could go badly. I didn’t think past making sure you didn’t get hurt.” Giving in, I finally wrap my arms around his waist and surrender to the feeling of being in his embrace.
I’m not sure how long we stand there in silence, but somewhere along the line, I let go of my anger and breathe him in.
He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Come on. You said the thirdHarry Pottermovie was your favorite.” He tugs me behind him into his room, and the two of us crawl under his covers before he pulls the movie up on his TV.
“Mads...” he says over the intro music I know by heart.
“Yeah?”
“I’ll never let anything happen to you.” The sheer honesty in his voice adds another crack to my walls, and I move closer to him and rest my head tentatively on his shoulder.
“I know that,” I whisper quietly.
Neither of us say another word as the movie plays. And I guess, unsurprisingly to either of us, I spend another night in his bed. Sleeping soundly. Completely safe.
HUDSON
She was going to leave.
Why does that feel like a sucker punch to my gut?
Maddie managed to stay awake for all of the thirdHarry Pottermovie but fell asleep only a few minutes into the fourth one. She climbed into my bed, and unlike last night, she didn’t leave any space between us. And after only a few minutes, her head rested on my shoulder, but she was awake this time.
I guess our moment in the kitchen changed something.
Because when Maddie’s hands reached out for me... when she grabbed my shirt, whether she realized it or not, she pulled me toward her. She wasn’t trying to prove a point. She wasn’t convincing herself she could touch me without flinching or pulling away. There was a connection, and she needed it as much as I did.
The want in her eyes didn’t escape me.
It was there, pulsing between us. Need recognizing need.
But I’m not an asshole, even if I like the world to think I am.
I’d never take advantage of her, and that’s what it would have been.
Taking. Especially in that moment, when she was vulnerable.
So I walked away. I knew I needed time to get my shit together before I did something neither of us was ready for. Not yet. Not after tonight. Not with the fight a week away. I need to focus, and I’m pretty sure my little ball of sunshine is going to need some time to figure things out on her own. She doesn’t like to be pushed. I already know that.
But seeing her packed up and ready to leave didn’t work for me.
