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Emmett Marsh is like me, a retiree before the age of twenty-five. He never advanced too far in the sport due to a chronic back injury, but he has a fat trust fund from his tech founder Daddy and, conveniently, is completely obsessed with me. I was never into him, locked firmly in love with Brooks since he made his interest clear, and I went out of my way to make it perfectly clear to Marsh that it was never going to happen. He saw this as a challenge, which annoyed the hell out of me.
Ordinarily I would feel bad about using another person with feelings for a prop in my game to win Brooks, but Marsh needs to be taken down a few pegs, so I see it as killing two birds with one stone.
I meet with my agent, who is getting increasingly annoyed with me for accepting none of the lucrative offers she’s brought to me. The truth is, none of them interest me. I’m not sure what my next chapter is, but it’s starting to feel like it will be completely separate from snowboarding.
If I ever get back on a snowboard again, it will be because I want to.
By the time Brooks gets home at noon, I’ve put together a spread of snack food and the TV is on to the pre-game commentary. It’s super weird not being there, but I don’t feel jealous.
“And there’s Lake Jacobs, son of the legendary River Jacobs and older brother of gold medalist Delta Jacobs, which would make him the third member of the Jacobs family on the Olympic snowboarding team. Delta announced her retirement just a month ago at twenty years old, and while details haven’t been made public, there’s been quite a lot of speculation in the snowboarding community about River Jacob’s unconventional training techniques. His team members statistically rank high but retire early, suggesting he pushes too hard and too fast, and his own daughter is becoming a case study in that-“
I freeze, knife in my hand and a half-cut pile of baby carrots beside it. “Delta.” Brooks says gently from beside me, making me jump. “Are you alright?”
Shit. No. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. I don’t want Brooks to see me as a broken child anymore. Today was about making him realize there is no universe where he will be alright with other men flirting with me I wanted to make himjealousdamn it!
“I’m fine.” I assure him, my voice falsely bright as I go back to cutting the carrots.
Brooks doesn’t move though, he hovers at my side, watching as I work. “I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t-“ he runs a hand through his hair, lips turned down unhappily, “I don’t want you to think you’re crazy. There something here, but that doesn’t mean we should act on it.”
I set the knife down and turn to face him, leaning my uninjured hip against the counter. Up close, I can see the darkshadows beneath his eyes, like he spent the whole night tossing and turning. My heart aches at the sight and guilt bubbles up inside me, sudden and awful. “I’m sorry too.”
His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Delta.”
I let out a hysterical little laugh. “Bay’s friend has a thing for me. I invited him because I thought it would make you jealous.”
Brooks’ lips twitch like he’s going to smile. “It would have worked.”
I sigh, the sense of purpose I’d been instilled with since last night draining out of me all at once, like a balloon deflating. I don’t want him to hate himself for being with me. Brooks isn’t the next thing in my life to conquer, he’s worth so much more than that.
It hurts.
He must see my inner anguish because Brooks steps forward, pulling me into his arms. “It’s not about you, sweetheart. It’s me. All me.” He says gently above my head, one hand tangling in my hair and the other wrapped around my shoulders.
My eyes burn as I curl into him, allowing myself to enjoy the feeling of being in his arms for just a moment. “I know I’m younger than you, but I have heard the“it’s not you, it’s me”cliché before, Brooks.”
I feel his low laugh through my whole body. His lips press against my hair. “I don’t want you to resent me for not giving you the life you deserve.” He murmurs. “I couldn’t bear it.”
That’s why he won’t do this? Not because of how we met or my age, but because he thinks I would resent him? Suddenly dizzy, I pull back and stare up at his face. “Brooks, why would you think that? What exactly do you think I want that I couldn’t have or achieve with you?”
His eyebrows knit together in confusion and his mouth opens to reply but at that moment the doorbell rings and the dogs all start barking. We break apart, still staring at each other.
“Heyo!” Bay’s voice calls through the house. “We brought hot wings!”
Lake does well.Reallywell. So much so that he officially earns a spot on the Olympic team.
I can see the triumph in his eyes when the camera zooms in on him, yanking off his helmet to hug the familiar faces of our teammates and Dad who looks like he is bursting with pride.
I’ve been so removed from the world of snowboarding. My old “friends” having dropped me the moment it was made clear I wouldn’t be returning to the sport that I have no idea what’s going on anymore. It’s only been six weeks, but it feels like another life.
Brooks sits beside me the entire time, the arm flung casually over the couch behind me and offers to bring me food or drinks, providing enough suggestion we’re in a relationship to put off Emmett’s usual flirting attempts.
He still corners me in the kitchen when the games are officially over, winking like we’re in on some secret.
“It’s been a while. I heard you retired, obviously. How’s that going?”
“Oh, you know.” I say noncommittally as I rinse off plates to put in the dishwasher.
“I bought a gym a few months ago.” He says eagerly. “If you’re looking for work, we’d love to get you on board for a promotional campaign or something.”
