AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I need a break.” I choke, managing to release my boots from my bindings and collapse onto a nearly bench with a hiss of pain.
Dad stops beside me, expression set in his patented hard-ass coach scowl. He competed at his last of three Olympic games with a fractured wrist and still medaled. To River Jacobs, pain only has as much power as you give it.
He’s badass.
I don’t know why I can’t be like that, push through when I need to push through and shove pain aside like it’s any other emotion.
“Scale of one to ten?” Dad asks, crossing his arms and turning away from me to watch my brother Lake do a run. I can feel thedisappointment and disapproval rolling off him in waves. The qualifiers are in six weeks. I need to be training every day.
I take a shaky breath.Nine. It’s a nine.“Four.” I finally manage to blurt out, the word ripped from my throat even though every single cell in my body is screaming for me to tell the truth.
Dad glances at me and nods approvingly. “You know the rules. Anything below a six and you’re on the snow. Get going. I want to see that last run again. I’ll have them put the lights on and we’ll be here all night if we have to.”
He’s not just saying that to get my ass in gear. He’s done it before, and he’ll do it again.
I pick up my board and walk back toward the start of the pipe, refusing to let my limp show. There are people everywhere. Even my teammates will be competitors soon.
I can’t show weakness.
“Hey.” My eldest brother Bay is waiting up ahead, his eyes on my right leg. “Don’t do this run, Delta.” He cautions me darkly, gripping his own board and falling into step beside me. “You need to see your doctor. Something isn’t right.”
I keep my eyes firmly ahead, not daring meet to meet his eyes. “It’s a four.” I lie so firmly I can almost believe myself. If only I didn’t feel like I was about to puke over the side of the halfpipe from the pain.
Bay makes an exasperated sound and shakes his head, like he sees right through me. “A four is a nine in River code. Don’t bullshit me.” He catches my elbow and I’m forced to stop, yelping in pain at the sudden change in movement. My brother’s eyes flash triumphantly as his point is so clearly proven. “Delta. You’re already a fucking gold medalist. The best in the world. You don’t have a thing to prove to anyone,especiallyDad.”
We both glance behind us to where Dad is chewing out Dustin Freedman for his run. I look back at Bay, steeling myself. “I trustDad. If he says I’m fine, then I’m fine. Besides, I medaled over three years ago. That doesn’t mean anything now.”
Dad reminds me of that every single day, and of the fact that there are other dozens of women more naturally gifted than I am, who work harder than I do, and they’ve all got their eyes on the back of my neck.
If you want to be the best, you don’t stop and you don’t let up, not for a single day.
Bay shakes his head in disgust. “He has you so fucking brainwashed you don’t even realize how backwards this family is.”
“Fuck you, Bay.” I snap, embarrassment and defensiveness welling in me, making me spit poison. “You’re just bitter because dad and I got to that podium, andyoudidn’t.”
If my brother is phased or hurt by my words, he doesn’t show it. “I’m here because I love what I do.” He hisses, dropping his voice so Dustin doesn’t hear as he stomps past. “And because I see through Dad’s bullshit enough to not let him run me into the ground for the sake of his own ego.”
“Dad’segomakes Olympians. Go fuck yourself.”
Bay’s lip curls. “Okay, Delta. Do what you want. I’m sure that hunk of metal on a ribbon will be a real comfort to you when you’re a fucking cripple the rest of your life.”
I stand there for a moment glaring at my brother, my chest heaving, before I’ve finally had enough. Shoving past Bay, I march to the end of the pipe.
He’s jealous.
All he ever wanted was to be a gold medalist, but he didn’t‘have it’according to Dad. Now, at twenty-eight, he isn’t ranked high enough to meet the eligibility requirements and won’t be competing in the final qualifiers. His career is effectively over, even if nobody says it out loud.
He’ll be on the sidelines next month while I compete alongside our brother, who has a very good shot of making the men’s team this time around. Lake has been training around the clock, he’s been more consistent than me, and he doesn’t have a chronic injury which forces him to take days off.
Dr. Harrison’s words from last week come back to me and the place against my chest where I’ve stored his card in the little waterproof pocket seems to grow warmer.“Even if you manage to qualify for the games, there’s no guarantee you’ll be able to compete.”
He was just being nice when he gave me that card, he doesn’t actually want me to call him. He feels bad for me. I bet he wonders every single time I come in how I managed to get that gold medal.
I remember what Dad said as we drove home after that last appointment.“He thinks you’re weak, so that’s how he treats you. No more days off, do you hear me? I’ve been babying you because you’re my kid. Any other member of the team would be working through it, so that’s what you’re going to do.”
We’d driven straight to the mountain from Dr. Harrison’s office, and by the time I made it home, I’d needed to take two of my emergency pain meds.
It’s my turn on the pipe. Ignoring Bay’s eyes burning into the back of my head, I reach down and secure my bindings. There are six other top-level women who train with Dad, any one of whom would happily stab me in the throat for my spot.
