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“Brooklyn, you aren’t used to anyone caring about you first. I realize that. Maybe they do too, but I would guess they are dense men and don’t. When you were attacked, it was clear that the four of them were devastated, especially because they felt like they had let you down,”she said.
“That’s ridiculous. I’ve told Gideon so many times it’s not his fault,”I interjected.
“Doesn’t really matter what you say to him. It’s clear he’s taken on the responsibility of protecting you and he doesn’t want to fail,”she replied with a soft smile.
“I’m not their responsibility. If anything, I just wanted to be a girlfriend,”I said, feeling exasperated.
“It’s not really uncommon for men to be possessive about their girlfriends, and that’s not always in the bad way you’ve experienced,”she said, her voice taking on a quieter tone.
She didn’t need to say much to toss me back into my memories. Early in my relationship with Lyle, before I really learned to be scared of him, I had to report everything back to him. At the time, I thought it was because he loved me and wanted to be with me all the time. Of course, I learned that it was his way of controlling me, as if I were a possession to him.
Once, I didn’t go straight home after my classes, instead stopping at the grocery store to buy a few things we were low on. I didn’t think anything about the time it took to deviate from my normal pattern. When I got home, Lyle was waiting for me at the door. I smiled, under the impression he was greeting me. Instead, he knocked the groceries from my arms, causing eggs to fly everywhere and a can of tomato sauce to fall painfully on the top of my foot.
Lyle had screamed at me for being late and then added in the mess that he had just made. He didn’t hit me, but sometimes I thought physical violence would have been easier to handle. I was so afraid of being alone, I apologized over and over, begginghim to forgive me. I promised to never go anywhere without telling him first. Then he forced me to my hands and knees to clean up the eggs. He stood over me, drinking a beer, until I had the mess cleaned up.
When I was done, he shoved me into the kitchen and told me to get dinner going or he was going to be pissed again. There were plenty of times I thought about leaving Lyle. But the fear of being alone, having to face the unknown without someone familiar, was too daunting for me. As always, after the outburst from Lyle, he found a way to try to smooth things over. That night, during dinner, he sat and held my hand, telling me how much he loved me. I accepted it and believed every word he said.
“He said he owned me,”I whispered.
“Who? Lyle?”Ash asked.
I nodded. It made my stomach roil to even think about the times he claimed he owned my body and soul. For a long time, I thought both were tainted because of what he had done to them. It wasn’t until I met Oliver and Jaxon that I realized anyone could look at me differently.
“You know that’s not true, right girl? That was bullshit back then, and it still is. Someone is going to find that fucker and end him. I put my money on your men,”she said with a grin before taking another long sip of wine.
A chill went down my spine, thinking of The Knights finding Lyle. They had told me some of their past and I didn’t doubt they could handle the situation. But did I want them doing that for me? Did I want them putting themselves in the line of fire to protect me?
“Only three of them,”I said, going back to what Ash had said.
“What?”
“It’s only three of them. Aiden and I, I think we broke up,”I said, my voice hitching as tears threatened to spill.
Ash slid closer to me and slung an arm around my shoulders. I laid my head on her and a tear escaped my eye, making a trail down my cheek.
“Tell me what happened? Maybe I can help,”she said.
I recounted the night Aiden and I had sex on his car and I felt a shiver go through Ash’s body. I laughed and sat up and looked at her.
“Ok, sorry, that’s hot though,”she said with a smile.
“It really was. But the moment I thought we were making a connection, Aiden pulled back and slammed a door between us. He made me feel cheap and as if he only wanted me as a piece of ass. Then there was the woman that showed up at the club the other night, after you left.”
“Whoa, what woman?”Ash said, setting down her glass as she got animated.
I shrugged before setting my own glass down.“I’m not sure who she is. None of the guys gave me any information. All I know is she was with Aiden on the owner’s level, and he had lipstick on his damn face. Then she called them her boys, and I almost lost it.”
Ash sat back, her face screwed up in confusion, the look perfectly reflecting what I had going on inside my head.
“But Gideon, Jaxon and Oliver?”She asked.
“Each reassured me after the whole thing with Aiden. But when we got home from the club, Gideon found the bruise and that fight started, which brought me here,”I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“You know you’re always welcome here, girl, but I just can’t imagine these guys are controlling like what you’ve known,”Ash said, reaching for her wine again.
I snuggled into the couch, pulling a blanket over me, and sipped my wine as well. In my head, I knew my guys were nothing like Lyle or the abuse I suffered from him. Still,something about being told what I could do and having my location always watched felt too similar. It raised all of my defenses and that led me to running from them completely.
“It’s not the same. It doesn’t feel right, though,”I finally admit.
