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“And there was no talking to them?”
“Not last night or this morning. I just couldn’t keep fighting. It’s three against one and I know they aren’t going to change their tunes.”
Ash didn’t reply right away, and I turned my head so I could look at her. She was stretching her legs and not meeting my eye, which told me she had something to say that I likely wouldn’t care to hear.
“Spit it out,”I finally said.
“Well, look, like I said, you’re always welcome here. I’m happy you’re here. I’ve missed our morning routine the most. But I know those guys were making you happier than you’ve been in your life. I wonder if you didn’t leave a bit quick, running from a good thing, because you felt that familiar feeling of things closing in around you. You’ve experienced trauma, Brooklyn. That doesn’t just go away. There are things that will trigger you, and I think this might have been one of those times where your fight or flight kicked in,”she said.
I didn’t reply, just looked into my wine glass, absorbing her words. It took me a long time to admit with therapy that I had been a victim, that I had experienced a traumatic experience over a number of years, in addition to my childhood. I wanted to believe I was stronger than anything that happened to me and having the label of trauma over me made me feel weak. A lot of therapy helped me think of that in a different way, even if I did slip into old habits.
We finished our wine and Ash hugged me tightly before we split off to go to bed. I had been delaying this moment, and Ifelt a knot form in my gut as I moved toward my old bedroom. Pushing open the door, I stood outside for a long moment before reminding myself it was just a bedroom and all the windows were now armed with motion sensors that Ash had armed after Frank left. No one was in the room except me.
The walls were all a stark white now, no photos or artwork hung any longer, most of it ruined when Lyle broke in. The bed was new, just a box spring and mattress on a bare metal frame. Ash said the bed set had been there when the room was cleaned, so I knew one of the guys had purchased it and made the bed. Something about that made me feel a little more calm as I slid between the sheets.
I slipped my earbuds into my ears, wanting to block out the extreme silence of the room. I hit play on a random list and felt tears bubbling up as soon as the strains of“It’ll Be Ok”by Shawn Mendes came to my ears. I couldn’t stop the faces of The Knights from flashing through my mind and tears from streaming down my cheeks. Maybe I didn’t trust myself to know what love was, but the amount of pain I was feeling I knew somewhere in my subconscious that it couldn’t be anything else.
Chapter
Seventeen
Brooklyn
My breathing was comingin gasps and I felt as if I had just run five miles. I looked around myself and I felt confused by my surroundings. But in the distance, I could see the dull outline of a group of people. Instinctually, I knew it was The Knights, and I started to walk toward them, though no matter how fast I walked, I didn’t get any closer to them.
Suddenly, I was whirled away, and I was crying out for them as I was slammed into a new place, a place I wanted to forget had ever existed. A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I cried out in fear as I was swung around. Everything around me moved slowly and I couldn’t ignore the drab apartment I had lived in once upon a time.
The hand on my shoulder stopped me and I was face to face with Lyle, his face twisted in an angry sneer, his hair clinging limply to his forehead and a large stain on his shirt. Without a doubt, I knew what had happened, and I started to beg for forgiveness. I had been making dinner and when I turned with the plates loaded with food, Lyle walked into me and the food had splashed across his shirt.
“I’m so sorry, Lyle. It was an accident,”I heard myself saying.
“You fucking stupid bitch, you can’t do a damn thing right,”he yelled at me.
“I’ll wash your shirt and I’ll clean up the mess right now,”I stuttered.
His fingers dug into my shoulder and he pulled my face close to his. Lyle wasn’t much taller than me, but he tried to make me feel as if he could easily control me physically. I never fought him, giving him the power he seemed so desperately to need over me. He dug his forehead into mine, glaring at me.
“There’s only one thing you’re good for,”he said, his voice low and threatening.
I could feel my body start to shake and I knew what was coming. His other hand fell to my shoulder and both of his hands pushed me until I was kneeling in front of him. I could barely keep myself from falling over and I wanted badly to back away. However, I knew the punishment would be even worse if I ran.
Lyle’s hands went to his belt, taking his time unbuckling his belt and releasing the button on his jeans. He pulled out his dick,that was already semi hard just from the idea of forcing me to do something he knew I didn’t want to do. He got off on my fear, but even though I knew that, I couldn’t hide how petrified I was.
He reached out and grabbed a handful of my hair, forcing my face forward until his dick was rubbing along my cheek. I wanted to turn away, but his grip tightened as he ran the tip of his short length against my lips.
“Open your mouth and do something right for once,”he said.
I swallowed down the bile that was rising in my throat and slowly let my mouth fall open. Lyle grunted as he slammed his hips forward, his dick sliding between my lips before I was ready. My teeth grazed him and he pulled back and slammed into my mouth again, hitting my nose with his pubic bone each time. He ground against my face, enjoying as I started to gag and fight for air.
“Fuck, at least your mouth is good for one thing. It’s perfect when I don’t have to listen to you whining,”he groaned.
Using my hair, Lyle controlled the pace. At one point, I felt my lip split from the battering it was taking and I could taste the metallic blood taste as Lyle’s dick went through the cut. Even as tears streamed from my eyes, Lyle continued to thrust into my mouth. I tried to go somewhere else in my head, hoping this was the only thing he did to my body for the night.
As his dick swelled, he held my head firmly, my nose pressed into his pubic hair. He began to come, and I coughed and choked as it was forced down my throat.
“Swallow every drop, every fucking drop,”he moaned, as he continued small thrusts through his orgasm.
Once he was done, he yanked my head back by my hair and tossed me to the side. I fell, fighting the vomit that wanted to burst from my mouth. I took deep breaths through my nose,focusing. I tried not to think of the taste left on my tongue or what was now sitting in my stomach.
