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However, I let my guard down for too long, thinking Lyle had moved on. Instead, I felt my leggings being tugged, and I looked over to find Lyle working to pull off my clothes as he stroked his semi hard dick.
“No, no, Lyle. Please. I just want to go to bed,”I begged.
My pleading only incensed him further, and he ripped my leggings at the seam until he could get to my panties. He spit into the hand he was stroking himself with before pulling my panties to the side. I tried to crawl away, but that only made it easier for him to pull my hips up and make me take him from behind.
With no prep for me, he forced his dick into me dry, tearing at my pussy, until I was crying out in pain. But he loved it when I cried, and he thrust harder, until he was fully seated. When I collapsed, he just pushed one of my legs up so he could still thrust deeply into me. I laid crying into the dirty carpet as Lyle groaned and fucked me.
I shot up in my bed, in Ash’s apartment, covering my mouth to prevent the scream I wanted to let loose. My eyes flew around the room and a moment later I was falling out of the bed and tripping into the bathroom. I flung the toilet seat up in time to vomit up the wine and dinner I had with Ash.
My nightmares hadn’t been as bad with the guys in bed with me every night. It didn’t surprise me to have one the moment I left their home and decided to sleep alone. Flushing away the evidence of my nightmare, I laid my head on the cool toilet cover for a moment. I was clammy and sweat coated my skin.
The shivering started next as the scenes from my dream replayed. Really, it wasn’t a dream, but memories coming to the surface while I slept. I had once told Jaxon of the times Lyle had taken me by force, raped me. I hadn’t been specific, because there were too many times to make a list. He was already angryenough to learn what I had suffered that wasn’t listed in the police file they found.
I couldn’t stop with the filthy feeling in my gut. Standing on shaky legs, I stripped out of my pajamas and turned on the shower. Once the water was scalding, I stepped under the stream and winced from the pain. But I stayed. So much time had passed, but I could still feel Lyle’s hands on my skin. The damage he made still hurt, the scars he left felt new. The hot water sluiced down my skin and I scrubbed with a loofa.
The hot water was turning cold, pushing me from the shower. I would have stayed there for the rest of the night just to avoid any additional nightmares. The bathroom was full of steam that felt immediately suffocating. I found clean pajamas and wrapped my wet hair in a towel before laying back in my bed.
It was impossible not to think about how I had handled nightmares while with my guys. The thought made me pick up my phone and scroll through my contacts. I clicked on Gideon and stared at his phone number. He had sent me a goodnight text, without any other context. They were respecting my boundaries as I had set them, but now I found myself doubting the need for them. I pressed the phone against my chest, holding onto it like a lifeline.
I so badly wanted to hear Gideon’s deep voice, to know he was there to protect me. Without a doubt, I knew he would come to the apartment and hold me if I asked him. But I knew that wasn’t fair. Not to him and not to me. I couldn’t always fall back to them to hold me. I had to figure out how to put myself back together.
Pulling together all the strength I had, I put the phone back on the charger and rolled away from it, just to make sure I didn’t pick it up and fold under pressure. I could almost feel Gideon’s arms gathering me to his chest as he rumbled wordsof reassurance. A tear trickled from my eye. I had to admit to myself at least how badly this all hurt.
Sleep didn’t come again, and I laid still, staring at the bedroom door. Even though I wasn’t asleep, I still jumped when my alarm blared. I sat up in bed and scrubbed at my face. I had a big day at work and I was going to have to figure out a way to rally. In the bathroom, I grimaced at my reflection. Dark circles lined my bloodshot eyes and my hair was a ratted mess.
I tamed my hair into a semblance of a bun, feeling glad that my day would be spent outside of the office. I tried to bolster the excitement of the day. The planning for the week had been going on for a long time and I was happy to be included, even if I wasn’t feeling like that at the moment. I took extra time on my make up, so the evidence of my hard night wasn’t clear to everyone around.
When I came out of my bedroom, I was dressed in skinny jeans and a sweater. Ash took in my appearance and immediately handed me a mug of coffee.
“I heard the water running in the middle of the night,”she said.
I just nodded as I sipped my coffee.
“Nightmare?”She asked.
I nodded again. She reached over and squeezed my arm, her eyes full of sympathy.
“I had been doing better with the guys. I think all the emotional turmoil just got to me,”I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
I didn’t mention to her that I almost caved and called Gideon, not wanting her to hear how pathetic I really was. We finished our coffee and muffins she had bought, before both heading out the door at the same time. Frank was on our landing, waiting for me, and I smiled brightly at him. The look he gave me told me he knew I was faking the greeting.
In the car, Frank gave me a brief review of the night, and I was happy that he reported there was nothing strange around or inside the apartment building. I had been tense with the idea of Lyle or whoever he was working with, trying to get into the apartment again. I trusted the men Gideon trusted, but no one was infallible.
Frank continued to give me his review and then informed me of the plan for the day. I knew this week would be difficult for Frank and my security. If I hadn’t been working on the project for as long as I had, I would have gladly had someone else attend. But I wanted to see things progress for myself.
So often the work I did was behind the scenes and I rarely saw the outcomes come to fruition. This time though, I got to be entirely hands on. A few months prior, the idea of animal therapy had been brought to my attention. I did some long hours of reading before deciding it would be a great program to try with some of the teens in our programs. Studies seemed to point to animal therapy helping with boredom, decreasing feelings of anxiety, worry and fear, all things our kids struggled with.
The goal was to take a handful of kids to a working ranch, where the owners would allow the kids to learn and work with the animals on property. I had found the perfect place to take our first group and had worked closely with one of the owners over the phone. Despite how bad I was feeling, I felt a pang of excitement to meet her in person.
“Brooklyn, does that work for you?”Frank’s voice broke into my thoughts.
“Oh, hmmm, sure,”I replied, not really hearing everything he said.
Frank would stay in his car and follow the van I rode in with the boys and another youth leader we had. When we got to the ranch, he would stay close to the vehicles, but not interfere withthe kids or my work. That was all I really needed to hear from him.
The van ride to the ranch was quiet. The boys in the back either stared at their devices or stared out the window. They had all volunteered, but I imagined it was really the way for them to get out of work at their group homes. I had really high hopes for the day and when we pulled up to the ranch, that feeling only intensified.
Stepping from the van, I found a small blonde woman standing next to the porch steps, with a large, handsome man standing with her.
