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I shake my head, but I’m grinning as well. “You’re something else,” I say.
“That was a very impressive and inventive maneuver,” Elias agrees dryly. “If blatantly showing off.”
It’s amusing to think about, really. Caelan is showing off. There’s no doubt about that, but Elias has been as well, just in a much more subtle way. The fancy restaurant dates, dancing with me last night. It’s almost as though Caelan’s trying to one-up him, like they’re trying to compete for my affection. Sweet, but entirely unnecessary.
Don’t they know I’m already theirs, and I adore them both?
I take Caelan’s hand and tangle our fingers together.
Elias looks down at the two of us with a wry expression. “We barely walked ten minutes. Do you really require another break already?”
“Let’s see you walk on goddamn water and not need a sec after,” Caelan shoots back.
“That’s fair. However, we don’t have a great amount of time left.” Elias’ thoughts seem to have followed the same path as mine regarding how long there is before the gala.
Butterflies churn in my stomach at the reminder.
“I… don’t mind,” I say slowly. “I know you have to get back, but it doesn’t bother me so much if I’m late for the big event part.”
“Huh? I thought you were looking forward to it. You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”
“Mmm… you guys aren’t going to be there, though. Elias has his part to play on stage, and you’re not coming, so I don’t know. It shouldn’t really bother me. It’s not like I don’t go places and do everything by myself all the time anyway. I can go and still have fun on my own.”
“But it is bothering you,” Elias says.
I sigh. “You spoil me. I just got a taste of what it’s like to enjoy spending time around people I trust and care about, and going back after that is just lonely at first, that’s all.”
“Hmm. Will there not be people there you can converse with?”
“Well, yeah, I’m just… not so good at that.”
Caelan scoffs. “You were fine with us.”
“It’s not that Ican’ttalk to people. I’m okay at being friendly, just not actually making friends. Even Grace, my friend from work, and I only spend time together for convenience. I’ve seen her outside of work all of twice. And if I left, I know we wouldn’t keep in contact. I never do. I… I don’t really know how to connect to anyone anymore, that’s all. You guys are the first people I’ve felt any actual honest attachment to in a very long time. Being with you makes mehappy. I’d forgotten people could do that instead of being draining.”
Caelan rolls over and props himself up on his elbow, staring at me. “Who do I need to murder?” he asks in absolute seriousness.
“Wh-what?”
“Did someone hurt you to make you afraid of people like that? I’ll fuckin’ kill them.”
“Caelan! Jeez. No, it’s nothing like that. I’m stupid and awkward. It’s not—”
“Gimme the names of your exes. I’ll track ’em down.”
“Caelan. Nobody did anything wrong. No exes, nothing.” I hesitate. “I was once called, and I quote, ‘an immensely irritating person to be around.’ That kind of sucked. That was just some old friends, though, a very long time ago. High school bullshit. We’ve all moved on and grown up since then.”
“Have you moved on?” Elias asks quietly.
The question is a little too astute. I don’t answer it, deflecting back to my original point. “I struggle to click with people. That’s all it is. I tried relationships. My first boyfriend was more a matter of going through the motions. I dated him because I thought I should, because it’s such a huge life goal and expectation, you know? And I got sick of the ‘have you got a boyfriend yet’ and ‘don’t worry, you’ll find someone.’ He was nice enough. I liked him, don’t get me wrong, but he grew sick of me, too, in the end. I can’t blame him and wasn’t even sorry to see him go. Definitely not murder-worthy, I promise.”
I punctuate the last point with a meaningful look at Caelan. He had been wearing such an angry, murderous expression before that I don’t doubt he’d follow through on the threat, and I’ll say as much as I need to talk him down.
“The point is, no one did anything wrong. If anything,I’mthe problem. Like that saying goes…” My eyebrows furrow as I struggle to recall at least a vague approximation. “If everywhere you go smells like shit, check your own shoes. Um… sorry. I forgot it was crude.”
Caelan, at least, drops some of his aggression in favor of a guffaw.
“I have spent the better part of two decades with Caelan. Crudeness is of no concern,” Elias assures me.
