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“Right. But the common denominator is me. There’s something about how I communicate, relate to people, or justam,that is a little bit… wrong. So, I stopped putting in the effort. It’s easier to be a little lonely than to be left over and over again.”
Elias gives a low, thoughtful hum, and I immediately turn to him and cut him off before he can speak.
“It’s not important,” I insist. “This is just part of being human. We’ve all got some baggage. In the grand scheme of things, I’m doing damn well for myself compared to many others. I’m comfortable with the way things are. Getting nervous about the gala means nothing.”
The corner of Elias’ mouth twitches up into a small half-smile. “You say you are ‘wrong’ when talking to two literal demonic abominations.”
He has a point. His tone is not remotely admonishing or judgmental, yet I abruptly feel foolish for speaking so thoughtlessly.
Then again, maybe that is the very reason I feel as comfortable with them as I do. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but maybe three wrongs that are messed up in just the right complementary ways do.
I shake my head. “In any case, that’s all there is to it. I’m not going burden you with my stupid human worries. It’s not even that bothersome for me. I’m socially awkward, but I’m fine by myself.”
Elias seizes my wrists, startling me. I thought I had gotten away with it, and the conversation was over, but he pins my hands against the sand on either side of my head and leans over me with an intensity in his eyes that makes my heart skip. “Do you not think it’s fair that our agreement goes both ways?” he asks.
“What?”
“You were particularly adamant that we allow you to ‘get to know us.’ As the demons we really are, without any façade. How, then, is it fair that you continue to wear your own masks?”
“Elias, I…” I hadn’t even considered it like that. I’ve already told them plenty, about my life, about myself, and assumed that was enough. But he’s right, in a way. I’ve never really opened up about anything serious. “You’re demons, though. Why on earth would you care about pathetic human shit like that?”
He laughs, although it isn’t particularly warm. “Now, what was it you said earlier? ‘I don’t care what you are. I care about you.’ Hypocrisy doesn’t suit you, my dear.”
I swallow a lump in my throat, my chest feeling far too tight all of a sudden. I knew they cared for me, but if I’m reading between the lines right, the way Elias is talking makes it sound like he cares more than I expected. Far more.
It’s the difference between caring about me on the surface, as someone fun to be around and a good lay, and caring about me in all my weaknesses, ugliness, and vulnerabilities too. The former I was comfortable with, the latter hits me hard.
“Darling?” Elias murmurs. His hand shifts from my wrist to cup my face instead.
“I’m sorry. I’m okay.”
Caelan gives the two of us a suspicious look. “Am I gonna have to murder Elias for upsetting you too?”
I giggle, still choked up. “No. I’m just not used to anyone caring that much. You caught me off guard, is all.”
“I still think there’s someone I should murder.”
“Caelan,no.”
“Not all problems can be solved with murder,” Elias agrees.
“Yeah, but it damn well helps you feel better about it.”
I laugh, then hesitate for a long, drawn-out moment. “I did think about it,” I admit. I’ve never told anyone before, but somehow it doesn’t seem so terrible in the face of two demons. “Killing them. It’s weird. I never felt any real vitriol toward them. They taught me that I wasn’t someone people wanted to be around, and I guess I just internalized all of that. But I used to imagine pushing them in front of a train or something. Not out of resentment, but just to erase them, erase the past, erase all of it.”
Regathering myself, I push the thought away. “God, I haven’t even thought about that in years. Why am I even telling you this? This wasn’t how this conversation was meant to go.”
Elias smiles, and his lips gently ghost against mine. “Better,” he says. “You don’t have to hide from us.”
It still makes me feel vulnerable and unsettled, opening up about things that should be utterly insignificant to them. So instead of talking further, I kiss Elias back. It’s easier than trying to deal with my feelings.
The amount of interest and willingness to listen they’ve shown is more than I had ever expected. Not knowing how to express my appreciation aloud, I pour all my gratitude into the kiss.
I wrap my arms around Elias’ shoulders, clutching at him as the kiss quickly becomes heated, but not long-lived. Caelan interrupts with a huff and a pointed cough, and I grin as Elias pulls away. Caelan immediately swoops in for a kiss as well.
Between the two of them, I end up breathless all over again.
“All right,” Elias finally says. “The original point remains. We do not have much time available. We should get a move on if you want to spend any time at the pier proper.”
