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Yet I was expecting her to either try to close her legs again or to finally do what I was really after—use her voice to establish a boundary. But alas, she’s even lower on the confidence scale than I first thought.
I went into getting to know her with my first impression of her being that of the sassy and outspoken woman talking shit about big corporations and their mistreatment of plants while she dug in the dumpster I stood outside of. The more she ran her mouth, the haughtier she got, which gave me the impression she wouldn’t have too much of an issue standing up to people. But as time goes on, it’s plain to see it’s much more likely she’s one who just talks a big game. Well, not even that, really. She believed she was alone and just talking to herself all those times I heard her. Who knows if she’d ever voice those things to another person? Probably only someone she trusted implicitly, who she wouldn’t worry about whether they’d rat her out.
So this means I gave that sassy mouth too much credit when it came to reading how self-assured she is in reality.
Which means I need to delete that variable from the equation when I’m picking out things to keep in mind about her, to remember when choosing my next move. Otherwise, her reactions—like trying to protect her pussy and keep it out of my reach by giving up on something she truly wanted and worked so hard for—will come as a surprise each and every time. And that’s not good when it comes to a D/s relationship. Yes, there are times when surprises will be pleasant… after we know each other much, much better. That’s when the surprises will count for something special. But right now, in order to make all this run smoothly, in order for her to feel comfortable enough to trust me and softly submit until rules and limits are established and I can push her, I have to use the skills I’ve mastered over the past twenty years, not only as a Dominant but as a doctor whose job it is to quickly assess if a person is dying.
Nothing teaches you to read people faster than having to use tiny clues to figure out what’s wrong with a patient in the ER who can’t—or won’t—tell you anything.
So from here on out, my decisions will be made based off the person I’ve actually spoken to back and forth for almost a month, the person I’ll now get to read face-to-face. The girl who was dumpster diving doesn’t exist, as far as my potential submissive is concerned. Not until she feels comfortable to even talk about that girl—the one she is when she believes no one is watching or listening.
Honestly, I can’t wait for her to show me that side of her. Not only because it’s completely entertaining, but because if she ever does, it’ll mean she trusts me beyond anything she can comprehend right now. For her to show me the pieces of her she hides from literally everyone else in the entire universe would be the ultimate gift, the sweetest submission.
Unlike those rom-coms, I don’t want to change anything about her. I want her to be herself, her true self, the woman she would’ve been if she hadn’t been taught and conditioned to hide the best parts of her by the rest of the world. Her quirkiness portrays an innocence that’s refreshing and genuine, not covering up the naughty vixen I can tell lives inside her but living in there alongside it. It would be a shame to dull that sweetness in her personality, when the world doesn’t have enough sweetness left as it is. I just want to train her on the way I like to be pleased, and with her desire to do just that—please someone to the best of her ability—it wouldn’t take long for her confidence to grow. She’s intelligent as hell, and I have no doubt once she’s taught then given the chance to practice until she gets the hang of it, she’ll be a brand-new woman.
Well, the brand-new she craves to be.
She has a strong desire to feel self-assured.
She wishes she didn’t have to rely on other people to feel like she’s doing something correctly.
But that’s part of that people-pleasing personality. Someone like her can do something incredible for another person, absolutely astonishing and mind-blowing, believing they did a great job. But if that person isn’t impressed, doesn’t say thank you or show any appreciation, then the pleaser takes a blow. Because the whole reason for putting all that effort in and doing everything they could to make that job great… was to impress and please the other person. If that doesn’t happen, then all of it was for nothing, and that translates to them being a failure.
