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But when I said to her, still politely, “That was very kind of you, but no, thank you,” my ex-girlfriend went up in arms, pissed off that I wouldn’t just eat the food she had gotten, because now it would go to waste. Therefore, I had to take the time to explain why I couldn’t eat the food she had brought me.
I had to pacify her, give her a reason why I didn’t want to eat the Cane’s.
Afterward, she felt it was okay that I wouldn’t eat it then, but only because it would make me physically ill if I did.
This ended up being a social experiment, a learning experience, I didn’t realize I was playing out at the time. Not until I’d revert back to that specific event over and over again, trying to understand why all of that had to go down.
Why would a person have to give such a long and drawn out explanation for not wanting to accept a gift they didn’t want, just to make the other person feel better?
Why would a person be considered rude just for saying “no thank you”?
Why was it my fault that I couldn’t eat what she had surprised me with on her own?
Why was I suddenly the bad guy, when I didn’t ask her to get me anything, much less a meal from a restaurant I knew I couldn’t eat from?
In my head, it made more sense, if we were to place blame, that it would be on her.
She didn’t ask me if I wanted chicken tenders for lunch.
She didn’t ask me if I wanted anything to eat at all.
In fact, I can go so far as to say it was her fault for having never noticed I only eat grilled chicken. I don’t eat anything fried, because there are serious repercussions.
I still took the time to show my appreciation for her thoughtfulness, for wanting to do something nice for me, so why did she react the way she did?
And no, she wasn’t a bitch at all. Her reaction to variations of that situation is actually the societal norm.
So going back to my hypothetical couple and their mansion in the Hollywood Hills, most people would say that the person being gifted something so extravagant and not loving it is an ungrateful asshole.
But what if later, they were to discover that Jane would’ve been much happier in a nice one-bedroom apartment with all the amenities like a pool and gym included? What if that was her dream living situation she’d been working toward for years? It would’ve cost much, much less than a mansion in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the world, and now the burden of taking care of that mansion, the property, the pool, plus a separate gym membership payment, is suddenly going to be expected from her. Since it was a gift bought for her, right?
Why can’t she just say “That was so sweet of you for wanting to be so incredibly generous to me, but no thank you”?
Why would everyone’s first reaction be “Gasp! What a cunt! I’d kill for what she has, and she’s just turning it down?!”
Why is she obligated to accept and show nothing but love for a “gift,” when really, what she should be thinking is, Thanks for all this exhausting work you have now gifted me with, on top of all the other shit I’ve got going on in my life. We’ve obviously been together a long enough time if you want to purchase me a home, but that also means we’ve been together long enough you know I’m a minimalist who only wants what I personally need to survive. I was going to go a teensy bit crazy and give myself the luxury of that small space—that small footprint I want to take up in the world—being in a nice, safe part of town, maybe even a gated complex with a pool and grounds that are maintained by someone else. But you know what? Just because you completely neglected everything I wanted, everything I stood for, and shelled out millions of dollars for all this space that I did not want to take up in the first place, I must smile and thank you and tell you how grateful I am… for such a thoughtless gift.
But I digress.
As I do often.
Getting sidetracked and off on a tangent that leads far enough away from the original thought or conversation that I don’t know where it began or how to get back there. It’s the reason many people find it so frustrating to talk to me.
But not the woman who finally just dipped her head to take a tentative taste of the very tip of my dick with her shy little tongue. No, she tells me all the time how much she enjoys listening to my ramblings. I blink, my eyes refocusing on what’s actually before me instead of turning inward, and God, what a sight it is.
