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I could go back to my job and work on my other projects on the side, but that’s what I’d been telling myself for years, and it never panned out. Getting fired might have been the kick in the butt I needed to move on. Or the shot in the arm to get over myself and be happy they wanted me back. It was two sides of a coin, which frustrated and confused me. Especially when you piled everything else on top.
For the next couple of hours, I scoured the sites, researching what employers were looking for. I felt an itch in my gut, the thrill of writing. I hadn’t felt it in a while, which made me think I was on the right track. I dove deeper, taking notes of my favorite assignments. Then, I took some more time to gather samples from articles I’d written to attach to my proposals. Landon was still on my mind, but he wasn’t in the forefront while I was working. I was hopeful, looking down at my notes and seeing a variety of options, that I might actually be able to pull off this career change. Maybe I didn’t need my old job after all.
Next, I created a spreadsheet to track my moves. This was the analytical part of me coming out to play. Most kids had asked for toys when they were younger. I asked for notebooks and grid paper, along with cool pens in trending colors. I still owned more notebooks than any one person should, but they were all used eventually. Sitting back and looking at what I’d created, I felt good. I might not know what I was doing to make money, but my spreadsheet looked pretty cool.
There was still a lot to figure out, like where I would live, for starters. That thought catapulted Landon right back to the top of my list. It would be easy to live in Ashford, maybe see if he and I could work things out? Did I want to do that under the watchful eye of my parents? Ugh. There was so much to work through. It was exhausting. With my mind swimming, I needed to get up and move. If I’d been in DC, I would have taken my angst out on the elliptical in the gym in my building or gone for a run in the park. Neither of those was an option here.
Suddenly, I realized I could easily stream something off YouTube. Maybe a kickboxing video would loosen my hostility. Back to my laptop, I pulled up YouTube but stopped myself before searching for fitness options. I searched for Malia instead. After meeting her, I wanted to see what her videos were all about. I was conscious of the fact that this was an effort to get to know Landon better as well. Not for an interview, but to understand him better as a person. I had no clue how the trauma of his accident affected his day-to-day life. If I took the time to figure that part out, it might help me work through the anger of what he said.
A few videos in, I heard the back door open. One of my parents, maybe both, was home. If it was my mom, I wasn’t ready for her questions yet. My father was easier. He’d just check to see how I was doing and go back upstairs.
I threw everything off my bed and slipped under the covers. It was completely childish, but faking sleep seemed like my easiest out. How could I talk about what happened if I hadn’t worked through it myself? The footsteps echoed on the steps, pounding in the same rhythm as my heart. I could tell it was my mother by the way she walked.
She was tiny and had a much lighter step than my dad. I expected her to call my name, testing to see if I was really asleep, but she didn’t. Instead, she backed out of the room and started for the steps again. Just then, the washing machine buzzed. She backtracked, opened the door, and switched everything to the dryer. Thanks, Mom.
Once she was back upstairs, I exhaled slowly, then realized I was actually truly tired. It made sense. It wasn’t like I’d slept much last night. I yawned, my eyes got heavy, and the next thing I knew, I was drifting off to sleep.
Something dropped above me, bouncing on the wooden floor. Again, it took me a minute to remember where I was as I opened my eyes. Everything came rushing back in an instant. I rolled over and checked the time. Seriously? I’d only slept a half hour? I could smell bonfire in my hair and kicked myself for not showering before I’d climbed into bed.
The floor creaked again, and I remembered why I’d made that choice. Hiding from my mother still seemed silly, but it had worked. I lay there a bit longer, scrolling through my phone. Landon hadn’t reached out, which didn’t surprise me. I hadn’t left him much wiggle room. As much as closing my eyes and going back to sleep sounded good, it wasn’t a good idea. Besides, now that I was awake, I was amped up again.
