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I needed to shower. Maybe the hot water would help me relax. Thinking back to how it felt to be with him, my heart ached, hoping once again I hadn’t ruined everything. My face scowled. I’d forgotten about throwing my clothes all over the place the day before. I didn’t even know what was clean. Catching a glimpse of the dryer just outside my room, I pushed off the bed and shuffled to it, grabbing the clothes I’d just washed.
The shower was hot and long. I had expected to hear a knock on the bathroom door reminding me that I didn’t pay the water bill, but it never came. Stepping onto the bathroom rug, I took my time drying off, covering my skin with lotion, then combing through my wet hair. Once I dressed, I walked up the steps to face my parents.
“Hey! I’m getting ready to go back to the store. I left my lunch here this morning, so I had to come back. How are you?”
“I’m good. It was nice to see some familiar faces at the bonfire.”
“And how was Landon?”
I blushed, my face completely betraying me. “He was fine.”
“Just fine? The delivery you received led me to believe he was more than fine.”
She moved back and pointed to a teddy bear on the counter, along with a vase of flowers. The bear was larger than any I’d ever seen in person. It had a fun, carnival-type vibe. Like he’d popped enough balloons to earn the big prize. Oh, boy. This put a different spin on things. Maybe I hadn’t ruined everything after all.
“I don’t know what type of questions you asked, but he seems quite smitten with you.”
“It’s… wow. I don’t know either. I wasn’t expecting this. Is there a card? How do you know it’s from him?”
“There is a card with just his name. Sorry I looked. It was sitting on the porch when I pulled in, and I wanted to make sure it hadn’t been delivered to the wrong house.”
“It’s okay. I’ll take them downstairs.”
I knew she had more questions, but I didn’t know how to answer them. I’d been pretty awful to him, and his response was to send me flowers and a stuffed animal? He was either used to people treating him like shit or sorry for what happened. Downstairs, I made room on my dresser for the flowers. I tossed the bear on my bed.
Crap. What was I going to do? It was time to admit I needed help. It was time to talk to someone who wasn’t my mother. Not that she wasn’t a good listener, but she was too emotionally involved in my life.
Texting Mina to see if she’d had lunch yet, I started picking up a few things around my room, waiting for her response.
18
LANDON
The bear was probably a little over-the-top. And possibly a little desperate? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d even taken the time to apologize to a woman I was romantically involved with. Maybe high school? Back before the accident, if my date got mad, it didn’t matter. I always had someone waiting in the wings. Shaking my head, I was reminded again of the complete ass I’d been.
Despite leaving my phone in the bedroom, I caught myself making excuses to check it, needing an address or looking for a random text. In the end, I gave up and brought it into the living room with me. Unfortunately, I hadn’t heard from Tara. The emotions I was feeling continued to push my writing forward, which was a huge plus. I didn’t want to hinge it all on Tara if I chose to believe that it might create an unfortunate psychological wall if she didn’t like the teddy bear and never spoke to me again.
I’d rather focus on Malia. Maybe she was the catalyst? We exchanged a few emails today. She was just as generous in real life as she was in her YouTube videos. Between what we exchanged and the research I’d already done, I was making great progress on the book. Shelby wouldn’t know what to do when I sent her the first draft. Writing again felt freeing. I wasn’t sure what had prompted my breakthrough, but I was riding it as long as I could.
I leaned back in my chair. Who was I kidding? That was a lie. I knew exactly what propelled me forward or who, as the case was. If Tara didn’t forgive me, if we never talked again, would I be able to keep the momentum going? So much for not pinning it all on her.
Suddenly, I was terrified and nearing a panic attack. Saving my work, I got up and walked around the house. Settling on the couch, I grabbed a notebook off the end table and rewatched Malia’s videos again, tweaking my notes and constructing more of the outline, and as I watched, my nerves settled down again. If my mojo was fleeting, I needed to make the most of it.
