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"My parents were killed when my little sister was nine," Dimitri says after a moment. "Dante helped me raise her. As soon as his enemies found out about her, she became something they were desperate to get their hands on to use against him. I did what I had to do to help protect her."
"D-did it work?" I ask, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye to find his jaw clenched.
"A cartel tried to kidnap her right before she moved here. They're the only ones who ever got their hands on her." He turns his head to look at me, his eyes darker than they've ever been, haunted with guilt. He blames himself. "They'll never have that chance again."
I don't have to ask to know what he means. He killed the men responsible, just like he killed the one who pointed a gun at me the other night. This man isn't just dangerous. He's lethal.
And I'm in love with him, anyway.
"I'm not a good man, Snow," he says, staring out into the yard. "Protecting her and saving you…I think those are the only good deeds I've ever done in my life, and I've spilled a lot of blood to do both."
"Dimitri," I whisper, my heart physically aching for him and the pain in his voice. He thinks he's a monster for the things he's done. They haunt him even now. But if anyone deserves absolution, it's this beautiful, fierce man. Everything he's done, he's done for love. There is no greater sacrifice.
"Don't cry for me, Magic," he says, reaching out to touch my cheek. "I don't deserve the tears."
"You're wrong."
He smiles gently, pressing his lips to my temple. "I'm glad you think so, little one."
"Dizzy, you're covered in mud." I bite my lip in consternation as he comes loping across the backyard toward me, his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging. "You were gone for two minutes!"
He gives me a satisfied grin, clearly pleased with himself for discovering whatever muddy puddle he just climbed out of. Filthy water and clumps of mud literally drip from him.
"You were just supposed to pee," I groan, not sure how I'm supposed to clean him up and get him back inside now. I don't think Dante would appreciate me rinsing him in the swimming pool. Or the fancy clawfoot bathtub.
The other dogs are exploring the grounds. All except Sloth, anyway. My big gray mutt handled his business and went back inside to nap like usual. He has no interest in exploring, adventure, or any activity that requires more than minimal effort.
The dogs are still leery of their surroundings, but they're slowly settling. They adore Belle but have avoided everyone else over the last couple of days, taking their cues from Bear, who isn't easily won over.
Dimitri keeps trying to gain his trust, though.
Every time Bear growls at him, he just nods and promises Bear that he isn't going to hurt me. And every time he says it, he steals a little piece of my heart.
I don't even know where to begin unraveling the complicated jumble of emotions he makes me feel. He's doing things to me. Changing me in ways I don't understand. I feel alive around him in a way I never have, as if I'm waking up and seeing the world the way it truly is for the first time.
It's a haunting place, one where dark and light don't exist in complete opposition to one another as I've always believed. There's light in even the darkest of men…and dark in even the lightest of hearts. Dimitri is proof. He's a killer. A criminal. I saw him shoot a man without hesitation. He didn't even blink. And I now know it's not the first time. It probably won't be the last either. But he's not evil. And I'm not a saint. Because I feel no sympathy for the man he killed and no regret. I feel none for the other men he killed either.
The world isn't black and white anymore. My world isn't. Everything I thought I knew is changing rapidly. There are evil people in this world. They do monstrous things. But sometimes, the people who stand against them have to exist in darkness too. Dimitri is one of them. He chose his path to protect his sister.
How can I fault him for that?
Six months ago, my world collapsed, and it's been caving in on itself ever since. But for the first time, I feel like I've finally found a tiny pocket of air. I'm not alone in the roaring chaos anymore because he's with me. That's confusing and exciting and beautiful and terrifying.
But can you hold onto a shadow, or do they invariably slip away, no more substantial and easily held than smoke? I don't know, and that frightens me.
