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“It wasn’t just him. My parents had spent the days I was gone stripping my room of everything. Every single stuffed animal and poster on the wall, every CD I had, my iPad. It was all gone. I didn’t even have my favorite pink blanket any longer. They’d tossed out everything.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” What the fuck was wrong with her parents?
“Nope. And I was angry. God, I was so mad I wanted to run so far away they’d never find me, but that wasn’t the worst of the punishment I received because I…” Her voice started to trail off and I squeezed her even tighter, rubbing her soft cheek with my other hand.
“Fuck that man.”
“No, the reason I was so angry, guilt eating me alive had nothing to do with my parents. The horrible sense of shame was because of what I’d done to my sister. She’d thought I’d abandoned her forever. I was her only real support system. I’ll never forget seeing Cammie’s face. She was crying and screaming, so hysterical that she had to go to the hospital the next day, suffering from a seizure. It was touch and go for almost two days. Because of what I did. I was a bad person and my sister almost died because of me. So, I never said anything about my things. I never asked for a single Christmas present or birthday gift after that. The punishment I’d received wasn’t nearly enough for what I did to her.”
No wonder the girl knew exactly what to say to me.
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” I told her.
She lifted her head, the slender moonlight streaming in through the blinds allowing me to see the concern in her eyes. “That’s something you have a full understanding of. Isn’t it?”
I shook my head, easing it back against the bed. “It’s different, Wren.”
“Is it really? Aren’t you suffering because of blaming yourself wholly and completely for what happened to Belle when you were with a few other boys?”
When I shook my head again, she cupped my face with both hands, her eyes imploring.
“You’re incorrigible,” I managed.
“I’m right. I’m always right.”
She could always make me laugh. I rolled her over onto the bed, my heart aching for so many different reasons. “You are so beautiful, my little bird.”
“There’s nothing you can do that will scare me.”
“If only that was the truth.” I hovered over her for a few seconds then climbed out of bed, opening the blinds all the way so I could see the moon.
I could tell she’d sat up but remained where she was. I’d told myself that I’d never trust anyone ever again, but it was easy with her. She was fractured, broken in a similar way, a part of her soul stripped away at a young age. Maybe that’s what had attracted us to each other in the first place. All I knew is that my heart ached like it hadn’t in one hell of a long time.
“I told you before. I’m not a good man.”
“Why do you continue to want me to believe that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
“I don’t buy it for a second,” she insisted.
“I also left a man to die. You’ve heard the old adage. History always repeats itself.” She didn’t make a sound or flinch at all. The woman was stronger than I’d originally thought.
“When you were overseas?”
I couldn’t stand the thought of telling her everything. “Yes, and not something I’d wish on just anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I loved serving my country. I felt great pride in doing so, but the choices we had to make, the horrors we faced almost every day sucked the life right out of you.”
“I know it hurt you tremendously, but I won’t try and tell you that I understand. What I do know is that you did everything in your power to do the right thing both times. I don’t need to hear the story to know that much about you already. There’s no way I can understand what you went through, but just like with Belle, you can’t go back. You endured violence and loss more so than most people can comprehend. Stop beating yourself up, Phoenix. Live.”
I heard every word she said. “Ronny was a good kid who shouldn’t have been sent to the trenches. He wasn’t ready. I did what I could to nurture him, but he wasn’t like the rest of us. He didn’t have a penchant for killing, the kind of anger burning inside that a Marine needs in order to easily take another life. I did what I could to protect him at the cost of a mission.”
“What happened?”
“He was shot multiple times and even though I did what I could to get him to safety, the conditions were treacherous. I failed. Eventually, I was taken prisoner, the base nearly destroyed. And no, I wasn’t blamed given circumstances, but losing Ronny was just another blow.”
“I’m so very sorry,” she whispered. “That’s where you got the scars.”
I laughed bitterly. “Not just during the war, Wren. In my delinquent youth, I also got into a lot of fights. The story you told me about what you went through could have been something my buddies and I did.”
