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“It was what they represented that mattered. He was telling me he had suffered and was sorry. He was saying he was heartbroken. Anyway, we talked about it, and he was very apologetic and made me extravagant promises.”
“You think so? Or was he offeringyouheartbreak and suffering?”
He was quiet, looking a little stunned. “I-I never thought about it that way.”
“No, you didn’t. Just like you never thought about a lot of things.”
“What does that mean?”
“I can’t talk to you about it yet. Soon, though.”
“Do you promise?” he said, gazing into my eyes.
“Go on with your story. How did he get you back?”
“He didn’t. Not at first.” He smiled at the look of surprise on my face. “I knew he was really only sorry that I broke up with him. I told him he was never going to change. I told him that and I left. That night he called me around midnight and told me he was going to kill himself if I didn’t let him see me. He said he only wanted one last time with me and then he’d let me go with no regrets.”
“And you let him?”
“No. I still loved him, but I told him we’d never work out. I knew he was bluffing. Dylan loves himself far too much to hurt himself.”
“And then what?”
“And then nothing. I didn’t go see him and of course, he was lying. He never did anything. About a month later, he started up again. Constant phone calls, coming by the house unexpectedly. He was relentless.”
“So you took him back?”
“Yes. Eventually. Look, I know I was crazy to even consider it, but he has this power over me. I can’t explain it.”
I was afraid I could.
“It took a lot of talking about things and trying to work it all out. But yeah, eventually I did. He said he was drunk, and the guy must have given him some drugs.”
“What the hell kind of drug makes someone go on a murderous rampage against their lover, Jace?”
He gave me an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know. But I don’t think he would have hurt me in his right mind. He begged me to forgive him.Beggedme. Made me a lot of promises.”
“Uh huh. And you believed them.”
“Obviously, I did. Or maybe I just wanted to. Look, I know now that it was stupid, but at the time…I was so miserable and lost and my father was dead, and my poor brother was…” He blew out a long sigh. “I just fucked up, okay? I should never have let him back in my life. I know that now. But you just don’t know how he can be.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds, neither of us saying anything. I reached over and took his hand, and he didn’t pull away.
“Why did that happen when you took me home?” he asked me softly. “I mean, the kissing and the rest of it.”
At first, I wasn’t going to answer. But then I just said it. “I didn’t want it to happen. I didn’t want to kiss you.” Jace shifted his eyes to the window beside us and stared out, his eyes blue and glassy in the light streaming in. He was right there in front of me, but he seemed a long way away all the same. He pulled his hand back, but I kept talking.
“I never meant to. This has all gotten out of hand.” I could feel a muscle working in my jaw and he turned back to look at me. “I don’t want this; do you understand me? I don’t want to be so attracted to you. I don’t want to think about you all the time. From the first time I saw you, when you came to the front door looking sleepy and rumpled and warm and… Damn it, you shouldn’t be any more to me than a case I’m working. You aren’t! You can’t be any more than that, and that’s just how it has to be—are we clear on that?”
“I’m not sure,” he said, turning a bright, fierce gaze back on me.He tilted his head to the side to consider. “Are we?”
There didn’t seem to be much else to say. Or maybe there was too much. His shoulders slumped, and he turned to stare out the window. “I need to get home. Take me to my car, please.”
Sometimes it even surprised me how both of us accepted my lies so easily. I started the car.
Chapter Ten
Jace
