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I couldn’t help Gunner with his addiction, but I might be able to help others.
Mandy
As soon asI step out of the cab, I slip on my sunglasses to combat the afternoon sun. I had the cab driver drop me off a block down from Freedom House, needing the extra time during my walk to settle my nerves. I didn’t think coming here would be so difficult, but once the driver turned onto the street, my stomach rattled.
Josh stands at the front desk when I enter the house. He turns around and immediately the color drains from his face. He spins to face me.
“Hi.” He swallows hard. There’s a healing bruise under his left eye. I have no doubts about where it came from. “I gave that guy everything I had, I don’t have any other information for you,” he’s quick to spit out when I slide my sunglasses on top of my head.
“I know.” I try to calm him with a gentle smile. “I’m not here about any of that. I found what I was looking for.” I gesture toward his eye. “I’m sorry, he shouldn’t have done that.”
He seems to relax a bit. “What are you here for then?”
“I’d like to talk to Andy if he’s around.” I have no idea if guests are allowed unscheduled or not, but I doubt he’s going to give me much trouble about the rules anymore.
“I think he’s in his room. Right up these stairs, the first door on the left. Room five.” He points me where I need to go.
After thanking him, I climb up to Andy’s floor. His door is ajar when I reach it, so when I knock it slides open a little further. Andy’s sitting on his bed, but he looks up at my knock.
“Oh. Hey.” He put the book he’s reading aside and gets to his feet. “Come in.” He wipes his hands on his jeans.
My throat closes on me. I thought it would be easy coming here to see Andy, but now that I’m in his room—in the room my brother lived in at one point—emotions choke me.
Andy sinks back to the bed.
“The service was nice.” He breaks the silence building between us. “The funeral. I think Gunner would have liked it.”
I force a small smile. “Thank you for being there. I think he’d have liked that too.”
Andy pinches his lips together like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “I thought he had it beat.”
“I think he did too.” I reach into my purse and pull out a photograph of the two of them. “I found this with his things. I’m not sure how long you’ve been in recovery, but… I thought maybe you might want this.” I clear my throat of the emotion building up.
“We took this on the day he got his three-month chip.” He swipes his thumb over the photograph as though he might be able to feel Gunner.
“I’ve been sober for a year, never made it this far before.” His fingers close around the chip. “I don’t think he ever made it past six months.”
“He didn’t,” I agree. “Not really, not completely sober, no.” He never considered getting high with a joint as falling off the wagon. “Anyway. I thought you might want that.”
“He talked about you a few times,” Andy says as I turn for the door. “You know that there’s nothing you could have done. His demons were just too strong. For either of you.”
I pause, swallow hard, then nod. “I’m starting to understand that, yes.”
Josh stands at the window in his office, looking outside when I turn the corner from the stairs. He must hear me because he jumps, turning toward me.
“Why is he here?” His voice shakes with the question.
“Who?” I lean over the counter, trying to see what he was looking at through his window.
“That man.” He jerks his head toward the door. He doesn’t need to explain any further, my gut tells me who’s out there.
“He’s waiting for me,” I assure him. “He doesn’t want anything from you, I promise.”
Josh stays tucked in his little office while I open the door and leave the Freedom House. I hope Andy has more luck with his sobriety than Gunner did. I hope everyone inside is able to kill the monsters of their past and move freely into their futures.
Maxim stands on the sidewalk, at the foot of the stairs. His sunglasses hide his eyes, but the tension in his jaw is enough for me to see his mood. I’m not his problem anymore, so there shouldn’t be any reason for him to be upset.
“Hi.” I stop on the third step, so I won’t have to look up at him while we talk.
