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I turn it over and untuck the flap. It’s a brochure for a health administration program at NYU. On the front cover is a note he scribbled.
Whatever you decide,you’ll do amazing. ~Maxim
My breath catchesin my chest. Natalie takes the brochure and reads the note.
“Healthcare Administration?” Her brow wrinkles. “You never mentioned wanting to go to school.”
“I’m not sure I do,” I admit. “I mentioned that if I want to move up into more administration positions at work, I should get billing experience.”
She looks back at the brochure then back at me. “You sure you don’t want to call him?”
Of course I do. I want him here right now. I want to kiss him, to hug him. To be hugged by him. But that would only break my heart more.
“He works for the Romanov family, Natalie.” I take the brochure from her hands and stuff it back into the envelope.
“Who are they?”
“They’re drug dealers,” I spit out. “Among other things, but they sell drugs. How can I be with someone that does that after what’s happened to my brother?”
“Did Maxim sell drugs to your brother?” she presses.
“No. But the people he works for—” I shake my head. “I just can’t.”
“Okay.” She frowns. “I have another load of laundry down in the dryer. I’m going to go get it.”
“All right.” And then it’s just me and the box in my room.
I drop the envelope on the bed and slowly peel back the tape on the box until the flaps pop open. Inside is a bunch of sweatshirts and books. I pull each item out one by one, but I hold a sweatshirt against my chest, trying to remember what it felt like to hug my little brother. A folded-up piece of paper falls from the clothing as I unfold it.
It has my name on it.
My heart clenches. It’s a letter to me. And it’s dated a month ago.
Mandy,
I’ve tried writing this letter more times than I can count, but I chickened out every time. So, if you’re actually reading this, I guess that means I finally fucked up one time too many.
I’m sorry.
Fuck, Mandy, I’m so sorry that I ran away like I did. I’m sorry I put you through all that bullshit in high school. I’m sorry that you probably blame yourself, because you do that. You were put in such a shitty situation when Mom and Dad died, and all I did was make it harder for you.
I got clean again, I’m clean now. Jack wants me to find you. He says he knows how to reach you, but I can’t.
I’m sorry I caused so much worry, so much stress.
If I’m clean in a year, I’ll find you. That’s my promise to myself. So, I guess I hope you never read this, because if you do, that means I failed again.
If I did fail, you have to know there was nothing you could do. Every decision I made was my own. It’s important that you understand you couldn’t save me, no one can. Only I can.
So, here’s hoping that I do it this time and you never see this letter.
But if I don’t, I love you, Mandy. And I hope you can forgive me.
Love,
Percy — I still hate this fucking name btw
Tears blurmy vision and I drop onto the bed, clutching the letter to my chest. Through my tears, I see the envelope from Maxim. I wipe the tears away, and pull out my laptop and jump on the website to find the path I need to follow.
