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Except I think I might be too late. Just looking at him now, knowing what I’m going to do hurts. Acid pouring over my heart would hurt less, but it’s better this way. It’s safer.
“I can’t, Maxim.” I lower my eyes, too much of a coward to look at him anymore. “I just can’t.”
Maxim
“And you letit go at that?” Luka, an old friend admonishes me as he pushes a beer across the table at me. “You just walked away?”
“I put her in a cab first.” I take a long pull of the beer.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“Thanks.” I tip the bottle in his direction and take another sip. “What was I supposed to do?”
“Pick her up, throw her in the car, and go home.” He shrugs. “That’s what I would have done.”
I glance over at the woman sitting on the couch in the living room with a textbook in her lap. He’s not lying; if Avery refused him, he would have dragged her home. And it almost came to that.
“Well, we can’t all be Neanderthals like you.” I roll my eyes.
“You love this woman, but you sit here like an old woman complaining instead of going to get her.”
“I never said I loved her.”
Luka laughs. “You don’t need to say it.”
“You don’t have the best record, you know; you almost blew it with Avery,” I say, tilting my head in the direction of the living room.
“Yeah, and I remember you being the one to knock some sense into me.”
I level a glare on him and take another long sip.
He just shakes his head. “I leave town for a few weeks with Avery and when I get home, I find out you fucked up everything for yourself.” He folds his arms over his chest. “You’re an idiot.”
“You said that already.”
“Well, are you going to do something about it?” he urges.
“I told her I want her. She said no.”
He raises an eyebrow. “And you believed her?”
“She just found out her brother died. I’m not going to make things worse for her.”
“But you are.” He points a long finger at me. “You’re letting her go through this all on her own. And isn’t that exactly what you don’t want for her? To be alone?”
“She. Doesn’t. Want. Me,” I say clearly in Russian to be sure he understands me.
“She’s scared.” He waves a hand. “Her parents died, now her brother’s gone. Of course she doesn’t want to admit she wants you. What if you die? Huh? What if something happens to you and then she’s having to grieve all over again? She’s scared.” He refolds his arms.
I lean back in the chair. I’ve done exactly that. I’ve left her alone. All alone. Of course she’s afraid; when I accused her of her fear on the steps of the halfway house, she’d been taken aback. She recognized it, but instead of pushing her I let her walk away.
“Why didn’t you have such insights when you were messing everything up with your woman?” I mutter, finishing my beer.
“Because, my friend, love makes us stupid.” He laughs. “But don’t worry, it’s also the cure. Once you have her, your smarts come back.” He taps the side of his head.
“What are you two talking about?” Avery walks into the kitchen and heads to the fridge.
“Maxim has woman troubles.” Luka grins at me.
