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“I remember when you were a baby,” Mom begins with a laugh. “You peed on me.”
“Sorry, Charlie.” Beau chuckles as I join them. “I guess it is a boy thing.”
“Have you eaten, Beau? Come sit down and have something,” Mom offers.
“I did eat dinosaur-shaped cereal. Archer was refusing to eat today. Will was annoyed, and so was Millie. They didn’t sleep well last night because Ashton threw up. Millie was complaining when they got home from a birthday party that Ashton had way too much cotton candy. Let’s just say his bed was covered in all pink.”
“Is this what I have to look forward to?”
Beau lowers his gaze onto Elijah, then gently strokes his hair. I watch him at ease with Elijah, wondering if Hunter would be the same. The unwanted thoughts cause me to shake my head.Don’t start this. It’s a slippery slope to caving altogether.
“I’m going to be home today working in my office,” Mom informs me. “If you need anything, please come get me.”
“I’ll take care of her, Charlie. We’re going to go for a walk to the park to get some fresh air.”
Mom watches us with a smile. “Enjoy your walk.”
“It’s so smoggy in LA. Are you sure it's the best place to raise a kid?” Beau questions while staring into the sky.
“I was raised here, and I turned out fine.”
“That's debatable.”
I punch his arm softly. “This is nice.”
We sit down on the bench as Elijah sleeps in his pram. The simplest things bring me so much joy now, like sitting here in the park with my best friend.
“Last night was hard. Thank God Mom woke up and helped me. I don't know how I would have done it alone.”
“You would have just done it, Alexa. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“Maybe,” I say wistfully. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking. Elijah will grow up so fast and…”
“And what?”
“And it just feels like maybe I’m allowing my emotions to make decisions rather than what is right for my son.”
Beau’s unmoving stance is evident as his gaze fixates on the children playing with the play equipment, void of any other expression. His melancholy silence warns me to broach this subject with care.
“Beau, please listen to me. I was angry at Hunter, okay? But I don’t think it’s fair he misses out on knowing or meeting his son. He will never get this moment back, and the more I think of robbing him of this time, the more guilt I feel.”
The silence is deafening. I try to coerce him to say anything at all, but his eerie silence speaks a thousand words.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” I beg of him.
“What would you like me to say?” he asks in a low and somber voice. “You want my approval? Blessing? You know my opinion on this. It won’t change. But hey, it’s your life and your kid, so I guess you do what you want.”
I’m sick or arguing over this, and with my hormones all over the place, I refrain from crying because that’s all I want to do right now. The harder I try to hold back my emotions, the more my breasts begin to hurt. What the hell is up with that?
“We need to head back. Either Elijah needs to wake up and feed, or I need to pump.”
It’s only a ten-minute walk back to the house. When we reach the front door, Beau still hasn’t said a word.
“Please don’t hate me for wanting to do this,” I say just above a whisper.
Beau runs his hand through his mousy brown hair but refuses to look at me.
“Do what you need to do.”
