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“Okay, babe. I’ll trust you,” I said. What other choice did I have?
“Okay,” he agreed. We kissed properly.Finally, but still, it felt removed. There was a new distance between us. He was electing to keep something from me, and I would have to allow it.
“Collin. I hope you know that I’m never going to leave you either,” I said, an attempt to comfort him after he’d gotten so upset. We managed to muster up the will to have sex. Bleak, but sufficient. For him. I was left underwhelmed. And anxious. I started making justifications in my head. Ifthiswas how it was going to be with Collin for the foreseeable future until he felt better, maybe I could have a little fun in the interim. It might be good for both of us, for our marriage. Well, mainly for me.
Collin wouldn’t even notice.
CHAPTER
15
CHRISTOPHER UNDERWOOD, MYnew boss, was similar to Len Arthur in nearly every respect. Average height, paunchy, thin lips and a weak chin that would do well to sport a beard, but he didn’t have the good sense. Though he leered openly when I walked past his office, and I’ll admit that Len was more discreet. It made me think that Christopher must be nearing retirement. He was of the right age and he clearly had no regard for general propriety in an office environment. Ialsofound myself having zero regard for my work, at least not in the way that I normally did as far as promotions, advancements and access to interesting projects went. The sad fact was that it wasn’t difficult to impress Christopher, or anyone at the new agency, because I had brought the Case Company business with me.
I was already at the top with zero effort.
“I feel restless,” I told Syl at happy hour, our reunion finally coming to pass. Her schedule had been a nightmare, apparently, so I let hertake the lead, feeling pitiful when dates I suggested were not amenable to her. Irritating.
“Why’s that?” she asked, glancing out the window behind me. Was she even listening?
“Well, I’m not having to work as hard.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“I just don’t think complacency is ever a good thing for anybody. Idle hands and all that.”
“Oh, but I think you’d be a fun plaything for the devil,” Syl said, tossing back the rest of her drink. She was ahead of me by at least one. She seemed nervous. Fidgeting. Coping with cocktails. “What about any home projects? Could you take on some of those to pass the time?”
“There’s nothing to be done. I suppose we could start exploring a new vacation house, just for us, but I don’t know. Our home life right now is still a little fraught, as you know.” I was unnerved by my candor with Syl, but I couldn’t help myself. I was starting to trust her.
“Whatever, Bea, don’t stress. Men are on their own fucking planet. He’ll come around.”
“Have you noticed anything else at the office?”
“I don’t know much more than what I already told you,” she said.
“Right. I’m sorry I asked. I know it’s a weird line to cross.”
“It’s fine. We’re friends,” she said. That’s right. We were. So we should act like it, too. I was tired of talking about myself anyway. A first.
“How’s John doing?” I asked her.
“Oh, the same. Noncommittal about setting a date. My dad thinks I should break it off with him, too. He’s on your side.”
“Well, we are correct, but don’t all dads believe their daughters aretoo good for their boyfriends?” I asked, not really having any firsthand knowledge about what dads are prone to do.
“Yeah, but I actually trust him. He’s a good man. My dad.” She stared at me intensely, willing me to engage further on the subject. I complied.
“I believe you, Syl.” I sensed she might want to talk about her incarcerated father in more detail and that I should indulge her if I wanted to continue our developing friendship.
“He shouldn’t be in there, in case you were wondering. He didn’t do it,” she said forcefully.
“Okay. I said I believe you.”
“I’m serious, Bea,” she said, her eyes growing wide. “It’s actually fucking crazy that he’s in prison.Mydad. He’s basically been there my whole life and I still can’t wrap my head around it. He’s the sweetest man. Just so fucking sweet.”
“I’m so sorry, Syl.”
She inhaled and exhaled quickly. It was bizarre to see her so upset. “What about your parents?” Syl asked in a more accusatory tone than I would have liked.
