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"She really doesn't." Jude reclined his seat. "You want to know what I think?"
"Does it matter whether I want to know or not?" I asked. "You're going to tell me anyway, right?"
"Damn right I am," he said. "I think she was caught off guard. You know how organized she is. She likes to have everything planned right down to the last sentence, the last period. I wouldn't be surprised if she plans her day the night before and makes sure to stick as close to that plan as possible."
"She's not that bad," I argued. "She can be spontaneous."
Jude snorted. "Obviously. She slept with you, didn't she?"
I flipped him off.
"Jude's right," Mel said. "Not about sleeping with you, but about her being taken by surprise. And you know what, I relate to what she's going through. I broke up with Jude because I didn't want to mess with his dreams."
"You are my dreams," he told her.
She smiled at him softly. "And you're mine." They rubbed noses and kissed.
I made a gagging sound. "If you're going to do that the whole way, I'm swapping seats with someone. You might prefer to sit next to Strike the whole way. Or Jett. You can enjoy his fidgeting for twenty-two hours."
Jude turned back to me and made a face. "I probably would throw him out the window mid-flight. He'd drive me crazy."
Jett wasn't that bad, but at least they'd stopped kissing.
"My point is," Mel continued. "It's going to take you a while to process all of this. She is only, what, a day or so ahead of you? Longer if she suspected before she did the test. She probably doesn't know if she's coming or going. And then, she's got all the hormones going on. My guess is, her critical thinking skills aren't at their best right now. Did you tell her how you feel?"
"I told her I wanted to make it work, but that was before she told me about the baby. I got the impression she made up her mind before I told her anything." She'd clearly put that day or two to good use.
"Do you want some advice from an expert?" Jude asked rhetorically. This was another thing he was going to tell me, whether I wanted him to or not. "Don't wait to tell her how you feel. And if you think she feels the same way, then…" He composed his thoughts for a moment.
"I'm not saying to be pushy, I'm just saying to keep communication open and give her a chance to figure things out and get her feet back on solid ground. Be there for her and let her know what you're thinking and feeling. You want to be a part of the kid's life, don't you?"
"Definitely," I agreed. "I want both of them in my life. I want to be with her. I'm… In love with her."
There it was, the whole truth. I was head over heels, truly, deeply in love with Hayley Rivera. And although I had only known about their existence for a couple of hours, I loved our baby too.
Was that strange? I decided it wasn't and if it was, I didn't care. There was a little, fingernail sized part of me, part of us, growing in her. It was incredible. My mind was blown at the idea.
"Awww," Mel said. "I've never seen my big brother in love before. It's so cute. Isn't it cute?" She asked Jude.
"It's very cute," Jude agreed. "It'll be even more cute when he gets his act together and tells her exactly what's going on in his head."
"It won't be cute if she rejects me again," I pointed out. "It will be anything but cute. It will be devastating. I told her I'd stay out of the baby's life, but I don't think I can. Does that make me an asshole?"
"No," Jude said. "Other things might make you an asshole, but not that. But I know you, that's exactly what you'd do because you told her you would."
"Yeah, I would," I said softly. Not because I felt the need to keep my word, but because if she truly thought it was the best thing for her, I'd stay away. Maybe I could get her to send me some photos once in a while.
What was I thinking? Staying away was going to eat me up inside. It almost made me want to jump out of the plane window mid-flight. With a parachute, of course. I don't want to end it, I just wanted to get away from the craziness my life had been for the last while. Beautiful craziness, but still craziness.
"We've all seen the way she looks at you," Jude said. "As I see it, you have three choices. You can give her time—"
"I gave her until the end of the flight to make a final decision," I said. Should I have done that? Maybe I should have given her a week, or not given her a deadline at all. I supposed it didn't matter now, I couldn't take it back.
Jude nodded and shrugged one shoulder at the same time. "Or you can find where she's sitting, kick out anyone she's sitting next to and work it out. Or, you can get a piece of paper and scribble, ‘do you want to be with me tick yes or no,’ on it and have someone take it to her."
I snorted at his elementary school suggestion. Although, I wasn't dismissing it completely. If she ticked yes, it would save a lot of complicated words. A lot of potential misunderstanding and heartache. Although, it was as juvenile as hell.
"Personally," Jude continued. "I vote for option B, because you're going to be a pain in our ass the whole way there otherwise."
