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Breaking away, Rainie went to meet Demetri. “Hey,” she said, getting his attention.
The moment his eyes landed on hers, they warmed. Still that lazy smile and those drowsy eyes. Mmm. Gwen was right, Demetri was hotter than sin.
“Shiny,” Demetri said, his slow arm slithering around her shoulders to pull her close. “Goddamn, you look good.”
He descended to join their mouths before she’d thought of what to say next. It wasn’t about sex… or was it? Demetri was a straightforward guy; in that they’d been the same.
Seconds into seeing each other again, he was kissing her. What did she want? Did she want him to kiss her? Alex and Gwen were just across the room, she’d expected a fun evening. Standing there, experiencing his kiss, time didn’t stop. Oblivion was nowhere near.
She missed Alex’s arm around her waist. How could she be fixating on that? It was nuts. Demetri was giving her something Alex never could. So why was she thinking about that arm? About how her friend was there before her and Gwen. How he’d bought their drinks and offered more. Alex took care of them. He was something different, something she was getting used to. That could be dangerous. If she ever wanted to have anything resembling a stable relationship again, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to lean a little less on her coffee shop buddy.
14
Just a couple of hours into the evening, Demetri suggested they take the party somewhere private. It was possible he meant her bedroom; she chose not to interpret it that way.
Her ex only had a hotel room. If she invited them back to her apartment, Demetri would stay the night for sure.
As though he somehow divined her dilemma, Alex gave them the option of his apartment. It was smaller than her and Gwen’s, but at least it didn’t come with a carnal guarantee to Demetri.
Alex poured everyone drinks while Rainie gave Gwen and Demetri the brief tour. She left them on the small balcony with their drinks and went back inside to get her own.
Their host was pouring wine into her glass, concentrating on the task much more intently than necessary.
“Are you mad?” she asked when he put down the bottle and handed over the glass without looking at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he’d want to socialize in private.”
“He wants to socialize in private with you. What the hell was that kiss when you went to meet him?”
Her friend had been frosty most of the night. At least now he’d admitted why.
“I didn’t know he was going to do that,” she stated.
“You didn’t seem to mind,” he said, surprising her with his sarcastic anger. “I’d say you’ve already decided what you want to do with him. Why drag Gwen and me along? Why do we need to see it?”
Glancing back over her shoulder, Gwen was frowning their way from the balcony. The sliding glass doors were still open a crack, and Alex’s volume wasn’t all that discreet.
“Would you…?” Putting down the glass, she went around to snag his wrist and trailed him into the bedroom, closing the door behind them. “I didn’t decide, okay?” she hissed. “In fact, if you really want to know, tonight has been absolutely excruciating. The second he touched me I knew he wasn’t what I wanted. If I could’ve turned around and walked out of there in that minute, I would have.”
“You could have. Gwen and I would’ve supported you.”
“That’s not the point,” she said, combing her fingers through her hair. “It’s a mess. Everything’s a mess.”
“What’s a mess? What are you talking about?”
Anxiety grew to a heavy, agitated ball in the pit of her stomach. It had been there all night, churning her up.
Pacing across the room and back, the quickening of her heart only made it worse. “I’m stuck in this rut, in this ridiculous place of nothingness. I guess I thought if I spent some time with Demetri, I could go back to how I felt when we were together. You know, happy and just… I don’t know. I think I made it all up.” She kept on pacing. “Demetri and I weren’t happy. I was never happy with him or his lifestyle or what we were. He kissed me tonight and I felt nothing. Less than nothing.
“I literally stood there to be polite. Who does that? Let’s someone kiss them just to be polite? I was standing there, wishing I could be anywhere else. No—” An ironic snicker vibrated her throat. “Not anywhere else. Back at the bar, with you. I wanted to be at the bar with your arm around me. That’s where I was happy. Where everything felt normal… natural.” Stopping in the center of the room, she groaned and tipped her head all the way back. “Why do I always sabotage myself like this? In my head, I made me and Demetri into something we weren’t. All I want is something simple. Why can’t I just meet a nice guy? A guy I can be comfortable with? A guy who wants what I want? It shouldn’t be difficult. I’m not that high maintenance, am I? I’m happy with you. Why can’t I find a guy like you who listens when I talk? Who makes me feel safe and appreciated and valued?
“You’re the first man who ever made me feel unique without making me feel like a freak. I just want this. You touch me and hold my hand or put an arm around me and everything feels okay, but it still touches me, you know? Deep down inside.” Groaning again, her head descended so she could look at him. “I’m sorry. I’m being ridiculous and inappropriate. Please don’t think I’m suggesting anything. I’m just trying to say… everything between us has always been so easy and you mean so much to me. I don’t have to be polite or worried with you. You accept me. And you make me feel… I don’t know…” Her hands splayed on her belly. “Something… I feel you and that’s what I want in love. I want to feel it, like I feel you.”
Judging from the deep crease between his brows, her friend not only didn’t understand what she was saying, he might actually be mad too.
Words. She needed words. To apologize. Something to…
He strode across the room and scooped both hands around her face, angling it upward. He’d been kissing her for more than a second when—shit, he was kissing her. The sudden explosion of delight in her gut was the first real wake-up call. Holding her head in a sure grip, he pushed harder, heating her lips with his certainty as his tongue sought refuge in her. Something completely involuntary overcame her. Her lips relaxed, granting him the sanctuary he needed. She gave herself to the sweet, arousing satisfaction of pure belonging.
That moan in his mouth—it came from her throat. From her. Oh, he felt so good that her vocal cords were announcing her involuntary approval.
