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I watched Roman's expression as my words sunk in.
"I see," he said slowly. "Is that going to impair your ability to work with the band?"
That was exactly the kind of question I was scared he might ask.
"I hope not. I'll do my best to make sure it doesn't. It was just one of those things. It won't happen again. It can't happen again. But you should know, the whole band knows." In as few words as I could, I explained the situation. "You know they don't do discreet very well. Some less than others."
He nodded slowly. "And you're concerned they might let it slip at the wrong time?"
"Exactly," I said. "I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm concerned about two things. The scrutiny if the press found out and what the label would do." I hesitated for a moment then added, "Do you think I should resign?"
He looked surprised at the question.
"Do you want to resign?" He crossed his arms in front of him and tilted his head slightly.
"No," I said quickly. "I just thought if the label would fire me, maybe I should get in first. People might ask fewer questions that way."
"People are certainly going to ask if you get fired," he agreed. "On the other hand, White Wolf Records is reasonably lenient when it comes to people having relationships with… Well, each other. No one has blinked an eye at Cord and Harper."
"That's true," I said. "But that's different."
"Is it?" he asked. "How? They both work together. She's an employee of the label. People might say she's on the tour because he insisted she get preferential treatment. Being a backing vocalist is an even more competitive job than yours."
"People have said exactly that," I said. "That's one of the spot fires I've been trying to put out recently. And one of the reasons I know how bad it might get if…" I stopped short when I realized people sat down at the table next to ours.
"I get it," he said quickly. "Is that something you want? I'm sorry if that's too personal a question."
"It's okay," I said. "I don't know. Does it even matter what I want? This whole situation is crazy as it is."
"I think what you want matters," he said. "Are you worried you're going to make more work for me or for yourself?"
"I don't want to be the work," I said. "Not for either of us. I'm so conflicted." I lowered my hands to the table. "When it comes down to it, he's a big rock star and I'm just me. There's no way in the world it would work out."
"Hey," he gave me a stern look. "There is nothing just about you. You're intelligent, compassionate and keep the press in line better than anyone else I've worked with. You even manage to keep the guys in line most of the time."
"Them, but not myself," I said bitterly.
"You're not the first person in the world to give in to temptation," he pointed out. "You won't be the last. But if you let it eat you up, then that's what it'll do." He stopped for a moment and smiled. "Sorry, was that a poor choice of words?"
I groaned. "Probably." I wanted to laugh, but couldn't bring myself to do it. His words brought back delicious memories I didn't want to think about. Every time I did, my body throbbed.
This would all have been a lot easier if Axel was terrible in bed.
"The point is, your life isn't over," he said. "Have you talked to him?"
"Not since Norfolk." I pushed my laptop aside and reached for my coffee. It was probably cold by now, but I'd drink it anyway. I mean, it was coffee. It tasted good at any temperature.
"Maybe you should do that then," he said. "Clear the air and figure out what both if you want. You might find out you're on the same page. And if you're not, then isn't that something you want to know?"
"I guess so," I admitted. Honestly, I wasn't sure what I wanted Axel to say. It would be easy if he just wanted to be friends, but he might not even want that much. And if he wanted more, could I give it to him? Part of me was still mad at him because the rest of the guys knew, but I was going to have to put that behind me and move on, if only for the sake of the tour. And my own sanity. What there was of it.
"When did you get so good at giving romantic advice?" I managed a small smile.
He grinned. "Since forever. I don't have a love life of my own, so I have to live through everyone else. How pathetic does that sound?"
I held up my fingers slightly apart. "Maybe a little. But I can't really talk either. It's not like I'm living in a romance novel or anything."
"Oh, I don't know, it sounds like you might be," he teased. "The hot rock star and the cute tour publicist. It sounds like another movie of the week. Maybe we should propose a series of them to one of those streaming services."
