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I took a breath and told myself not to panic.
"Are you okay?" She looked at me worried. "You're pale. Have you been getting enough rest?"
I responded with a short laugh. "Of course not. None of us have."
"That's a fact," she said. "But if you work yourself into the ground…"
"I'm fine," I said quickly. I pushed away my coffee and picked up my phone as casually as I could. I held it up like I was taking a selfie and tapped on my period tracker app. I had it set so it wouldn't send me notifications, but there it was in red text. I was a week and a half late.
I felt the blood drain out of my face.
It's just stress, I told myself. Stress does all sorts of things to a person's body.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked. "You look like you're going to puke." Without warning, she snatched my phone and looked at the screen. She held it out of my reach and her eyes widened.
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh." I held out my hand for my phone. "It's nothing."
She lay my phone across my palm and said, "No offense, but it doesn't look like nothing. Are you pregnant?"
I couldn't help myself, I flinched. "Do you want to say that a bit louder?" I hissed. "Don't be silly, of course I'm not."
"Did you do a test?" She cocked her head at me. "I saw the look on your face when you looked at that app. You think there's a chance you might be—" she mouthed the word, "pregnant?"
I placed my phone down on the table and covered my face with my hands.
"There's a chance," I said through my fingers. There was definitely a chance. One beautiful night that became complicated and now maybe even more so.
"You need to get a test," she said firmly but with her voice down low. "I saw a drug store on the corner. Come on, we'll get one from there."
I peeked between my hands. "You don't have to come with me."
She peeled one of my hands away and held it in hers. "You're one of the most composed people I know and right now you look like you're coming apart at the seams."
"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.
"You're welcome," she said cheerfully. "The point is, you need a friend and I wouldn't be very good one if I let you do this by yourself."
I managed a watery smile. "Thank you, I appreciate that." Although, I might have to get used to doing things on my own from now on. Like raising a child.
Oh, crap. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn again.
It's just stress and a stomach virus, I told myself. Nothing else. I'll do a test and it will be negative and I'll get on with my life.
"The sooner you do this, the sooner you know." She stood and gulped down the last of her coffee. She picked up her donut and took a bite before offering it to me.
I swallowed and shook my head. "No thanks, I'm not hungry right now." Which sucked, because I loved donuts. They were almost as good as cookies.
She shrugged and waited until I stood before heading to the door.
"What are you going to do if you are?" she asked.
"I have no idea," I admitted.
I waited until we were out in the sunshine and away from anyone who might overhear, before I said, "I would have it." That was the only thing I was certain of right now. That and the accuracy of the expression, ‘be careful what you wish for, you might get it.’ I wanted a baby but not with a guy who didn't want me. Thinking about what he might say, and that he might want nothing to do with it made my heart hurt. That, of course, was his choice. I would respect it, but I was getting ahead of myself now.
The test will be negative, I reminded myself. Don't panic.
