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Except that I cared about him a lot. Maybe more than I should under the circumstances.
"Like I said, that's your decision," Roman said. "But I will ask you this. If you were him, wouldn't you want to know?" He raised an eyebrow at me. In spite of the question, he didn't look like he was judging, just trying to get me to think about Axel's point of view. That was one of the things that made him such a good manager. He was really good at getting people to do what he wanted but at the same time, making them think it was their idea. There was no better way to handle guys like Strike and Cord, and even Jude and Axel. And me too, I supposed.
I frowned. "Possibly, but then again, possibly not. There's plenty of guys out there who wouldn't want to know. Then they don't have to take responsibility."
"Right," Roman agreed. "But I think we both know Axel isn't that kind of guy."
"No, he's the kind of guy who will stick around because he feels like he has to," I said. "Not necessarily because he wants to."
In some ways, it might be easier if I knew he'd be a deadbeat. Then there would be no question of making him do something he didn't want to. My baby and I could get on with our lives. But this way, it stacked a lot of guilt on me. I knew he'd feel like he had no choice but to be involved. I might be doing him a favor if I didn't tell him.
Once he knew about the baby, he couldn't un-know. I couldn't take back telling him. So before I did, I had to think long and hard about doing it. And about the future of my career. My job was important to me. If I didn't go on tour, I might be able to work from home but I didn't plan to stop working altogether. For one thing, I couldn't afford it. Even if I could, I got too much satisfaction out of it to quit.
"I have a feeling you're going to think about this from every angle until you decide," Roman said. "Do me a favor and don't keep thinking about it right up until you give birth. You'll drive yourself crazy doing that."
"I'm already crazy," I said. I pulled a silly face.
He chuckled. "Crazier then. We're all a little crazy around here, as they say."
"I think the quote is, ‘we're all mad here,’ but close enough," I said.
"That too," he agreed. "We'd have to be to do what we do, wouldn't we? Imagine traveling the world entertaining people and making some wild musicians dreams come true."
"It sounds perfect to me," I said. Except that all of that was about to change drastically. Roman helped give me a lot of perspective, but he was right, I would think about this from every angle until I decided what to do. And then I would change my mind about fifteen times before actually did it.
Why was it so much easier to make decisions for other people than it was for myself?
15
Axel
"Hey, check this out," Strike said. He was grinning like a crazy person. In other words, grinning like himself.
"No way," Jude said. "I challenge you all to a game of… Ping-pong." He gave me a look and wiggled his eyebrows.
"Fifty bucks says I'll whip your ass," Strike said.
"You're on." Jude stuck out his hand.
Strike shook it and then looked at him doubtfully. "Is this where you tell me you are the reigning king of high school ping-pong or some shit?"
"I guess you'll have to find out," Jude said.
Strike looked from him to me. "He is, isn't he?"
"Nah," I said lightly. "If I recall, he was pretty crap at it actually. Hey, Cord, want to take me on at the other table?"
Cord eyed me suspiciously. "Sure. I look forward to taking your money. Fifty bucks says I win."
I shook his hand and then said, "You should know I'm the reigning king of high school ping-pong."
When he groaned, I grinned. "Sorry, dude.. I'm looking forward to taking your money."
"You suck," Cord complained.
"Axel has been known to lose once or twice," Jude said. "I've even beaten him."
"Cheating isn't beating, bro," I told him.
