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He kept sneaking peeks at me, but he was walking with Jude and Mel, one arm over Jude's shoulders. They were talking about ping-pong and the tour and something about a rubber duck only they seemed to understand.
Axel was having the time of his life. At some point, the Rock Dragons wouldn't be as popular as they were right now, and the tours would be shorter, or with longer time between them. Or they'd stop altogether. Right here, right now was his moment. His and all the other guys.
And growing in my belly was the one thing that might take that away, or take the shine off these glittering days.
The more we walked and I listened to them talk about all sorts of strange, crazy things, the more I realized I wasn't one of them. Even if I could drink right now, I wouldn't be as drunk as them. And even if I was as drunk as them, I didn't know half of what they were referring to. They shared so many experiences I wasn't part of.
Growing up, I was always the outsider and that hadn't changed. Part of me wished I'd stayed at the hotel and got some work done instead of going out with the girls. The band had a couple of interviews tomorrow afternoon that I could have done some work on. Sent out confirmations, double checked the topics the journalists were allowed to ask. Something. Catch up on some sleep, perhaps.
"Almost on a daily basis, they ask me why I won't officially join the Rock Dragons," Nate said. "Every time they ask, I have a different answer. Okay, maybe not every time, but near enough."
I looked over at him. "What is the answer tonight?" I had a feeling he was trying to make a point about me, by telling me about himself.
"The answer is they're a group, a team. They live and breathe each other and their music. I wouldn't be surprised if they all pooped at the same time." He rumbled with laughter.
I laughed softly. "You don't feel like you're a part of that?" Is it so obvious that I did?
"Kinda." He shrugged. "It's not something they do on purpose. They just know each other inside out and backwards. As for me, I'm an, ‘if it ain't broke, don't fix it,’ kinda guy. You know? Why mess with what's working until it stops working?"
"Right," I said. "I totally understand that. I think the guys just want you to get the credit you deserve. You're the best saxophonist in the biz. They want everyone to know that."
"Oh, people know all right." He grinned. "But I see what you're saying. Either way you spin it, you're a part of this and I'm a part of this. Even if sometimes it doesn't feel like we are. Where would they be without either of us?"
"Standing in the street comparing penis size," I said dryly. "And in approximately an hour or two, Roman would be bailing them out. Bailing Strike out at least."
"I dunno, if I was him I might leave him there for a few more hours than that." Nate chuckled.
I laughed. "I have no doubt he’d be very tempted to leave him there for a few days, just to make sure he never did it again, but I don't think the label or the fans would appreciate it too much."
They'd probably gather outside the jail and protest until he was released. The band's fans were nothing if not passionate.
Nate laughed louder. "That would serve him right all right. I can picture the expression on Cam's face now when she found out what he did. She'd probably leave him in there longer than a few more days."
From what I knew of Cam, she'd be tempted to leave him in there for a week or two. Having seen them together, she’d probably give in after half an hour. They were as much in love as the other couples.
"Lucky for him we're here to stop any of that from happening," I said. Some days, I felt like a glorified babysitter, but I didn't mind. Mostly I loved what I did. I'd miss it when I had to stop. Maybe when the baby was old enough, I’d be able to return to this. If not, at least I got to have a kid.
"Right," Nate agreed. "The label is as lucky to have you as they are to have me." He wiggled his brows to show he was joking. He was nowhere near as conceited as all that. If he was, he had good reason to be. I meant it when I said he was the best in the biz. I was surprised he wasn't snapped up by someone else by now. On the other hand, White Wolf Records was very generous to those who made them money. If anyone else offered more, they'd likely do the same.
"I'm sure lots of other people would do just as good a job as I do," I said modestly. "Probably better."
"What a bunch of hooey," he scoffed. "You know the label only hires the best and they only pair the best with their biggest, best acts. You know that. You would have started out working with all the smaller groups and solo artists. And now you're here, hanging out with us." He spread his large hands wide.
My face heated. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to have an ego as big as the band."
He snorted loudly. "Not a chance. You're too normal to behave like that."
"Thanks, I think." I scrunched up my nose. Normal, boring, professional, efficient, predictable. The list was getting longer.
What I wasn't, I decided, was the kind of person who would ruin another person's life. Tomorrow morning, I would send off an email to HR and let them know I needed to speak to someone when I got home. That my circumstances were changing and I'd need to be in the office more, or at home. I would stay away from the Rock Dragons. And Axel.
He could go on living his best life, and my baby and I would do the best we could live ours.
Without him.
17
Hayley
