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My eyes glance over, and I see his knuckles turning white from him gripping the steering wheel. I know I’m pissing him off.
Good.
Now, he knows how it feels.
Letting out a heavy sigh, he says, “This is not how I wanted this talk to go. Jenna, I wanted to apologize. Although my intentions were good, I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff. You and I have always been the closest out of all of us, and I don’t want to fuck that up.”
I sit quietly for a moment, trying to decide if I’m ready to forgive him and let it go.
In a low voice, I say, “You’re right. We are the closest, and that’s why it hurt so much to hear you say those things.”
“I’m sorry, Jen. All I was thinking about was how much I hate to see you going through a rough time. It kills me. I don’t want Shane to see that and run away when things get hard. And take it from someone who is a basket case, thingswillget hard.”
“Jessie, I’m going to tell you the same thing that I’ve had to tell myself about a hundred times. Shane isn’t Dad.”
That gets him to look over at me.
I add, “Shane isn’t going to treat me like shit like Dad treated…well, everybody. We have to stop letting that son-of-a-bitch influence how we live our lives.”
Now, he smiles at me. “When did you get so grown up?”
My eyes roll. “You sound like Jonas and Jared. Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”
“I am. You and I are supposed to both be immature and dumb, but now, you’re all wise and shit.”
That gets a tiny laugh out of me. “Oh, I grew up when you weren’t looking.”
“Traitor.”
“You’re no better, Mr. Family Man!”
“Right? It’s fucking weird, isn’t it?”
“A little. But you’re a great husband and dad.”
“Thanks,” he says. “I’m just terrified that Nora is going to grow up and be just like me. The future unruly teenage years scare the shit out of me. Between her momma and I, I’m sure she will inherit some of the wild genes.”
“Eh, you guys turned out alright,” I say. Even though I’m still not thrilled with my brother, I will always defend him as a father. That’s one thing he’s gotten right since day one.
His face turns serious as he turns toward me. “For what it’s worth, Jen, I think you turned out pretty alright too.”
“Thanks,” I mutter. “But I don’t think I’m quite done baking yet. I like to think of myself as a work in progress.”
“Fair enough,” he laughs. “Are we good?”
I think for a moment and realize I don’t want to keep fighting. Joking, I reply, “Sure, we’re good. I’m sure before long, you’ll say something else that will piss me off.”
*****************
“Well, how does your leg feel?” Jessie asks on our way home.
“Cold,” I joke, looking down at my bare leg.
The doctor cut off my cast with ease. It seems crazy that something that has been such a pain can come off so quickly.
The surgery scar near my knee looks pretty gnarly, but it’s nothing compared to my leg itself. The doctor warned me that when the cast came off, my leg would be slightly mis-shapen due to not being able to use the months for the better part of two months. And he was right; it’s a completely different shape than my other calf.
Seeing it really drove home the point that my life is different. My volleyball days are behind me, and I will have to learn how to adapt with all of this hardware in my leg.
