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When I get done telling her everything, she takes a moment to think it all over.
“Jonas, do you want me to tell you what you want to hear? Or what youneedto hear?”
I lean back in my chair and huff. “Well, when you put it that way, I guess you should tell me what Ineedto hear.”
She leans forward so that her elbows rest on the table.
“Do me a favor and put yourself in Andi’s shoes. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like this woman has never lived her life for herself.”
I go to say something, but she holds her finger up to stop me. I should know better than to try to interrupt her.
“Think about it. She was in the foster system where it was always someone else’s decision when and where she would move. She had no say-so. Then, it sounds like she got into a relationship with a man who made every important decision about their lives. And he repaid her by treating her like something he stepped in.
“Then, she uproots her life and leaves everything behind. She completely left her comfort zone to start over and do thingsherway. Then, she gets here, and things take a bad turn, and she has to rely on someone else for help. Now that she has her stuff, she has an opportunity to get back on track. And here you are, acting like a big baby because she won’t be next to you 24/7. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing. You ever heard the saying ‘you have to learn to be happy alone before you can make someone else happy’? Maybe she needs to figure out exactly what it is that will make her happy.”
I’d never really thought of any of it like that. Then again, Andi didn’t say it that way either.
Or maybe she did, and I just wasn’t listening.
“So, what do I do now?” I ask.
“Well, you go fix it. Or at least try to.”
“How do you suggest I do that?”
“Get your butt over there and apologize. If you want a relationship with this girl, maybe let her set the terms of that relationship…at least to start with. Let her set the pace and just go with the flow. Make her feel special and wanted.” She reaches out to touch my cheek. “Just be the sweet man I raised you to be.”
I chuckle. “How do you know so much about this stuff?”
“Honey, when you make every mistake in the book, your vision becomes clear on the right way to do things.” She stands up and gets a potholder to pull the plate out of the oven.
Hearing her talk about her mistakes breaks my heart because I don’t think of it like that. It was my piece of shit father who made all the mistakes.
“Momma, can I ask you something?”
“Isn’t that what you’ve been doing?” She asks with a smile.
“Why’d you let him keep coming back?” I ask.
“Honey, I don’t know that there’s just one answer to that. I think part of it was that at the end of the day, he was still your daddy. I felt like not letting him come back would have been unfair to you guys. And one thing you have to understand is that your daddy wasn’t always like that. When he and I got together way back when he was a completely different man. He was thoughtful and caring. He was great with you kids and with me. It was when he got hurt working at the mill that things started to change.”
I only faintly remember his time at the mill over in Allenville, which is a couple of towns over.
She continues, “When he got his spinal injury, they gave him pain killers, that became his crutch. When the doctor finally cut off the meds, he looked for other ways to numb the pain. When I wouldn’t allow the alcohol in the house…or the drugs…he would leave to get his fix. Every time he’d come back and try to get sober, I’d catch glimpses of the man I fell in love with. And at the end, when he was so sick, I saw that man too. I think my want for him to be that man again clouded my common sense.”
She walks over and sets the plate down in front of me. “But enough about my sob story. I got four beautiful kids out of the deal, so I consider it a win. I’m going to take a shower, son. Wash your plate and lock up when you leave. Hurry up and go get that woman of yours.”
She kisses me on the top of the head and starts to walk out of the room.
“Momma,” I call.
She turns around and looks at me.
“Thank you…for everything. I love you.”
She smiles warmly. “Back at you, honey. More than you’ll ever know.”
She exits the room, and I scarf down the plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn, and green beans. It’s delicious, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from my momma.
