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Ignoring me, she hugs her brother and grabs her purse off the counter. “I love you both!” She reaches for Miller’s hand, ready to leave. She walks out, but I follow them both before the door swings closed.
“Avery,” I plead. “I can’t believe you’re not staying tonight. You know how awkward I am. He’s going to wish he hadn’t come before the night is over. It’s like you’re leaving me alone with a stranger!”
“Okay, first, take a breath,” she laughs. “This is Mack we are talking about. You have known him since you were like 12. It’s going to be fine. He’s such a good guy, Mace. As much as it would be magical to have my best friend date my brother, you know I wouldn’t be pushing this if I didn’t think you would be good together. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but I think it’s worth a try.”
“Okay.” A mix of defeat and nerves washes over me.
“It’ll be fine, Maci,” Miller chimes in, giving me a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder.
“Okay, now go back in there and have such a good time you feel weird telling me about it!” She smacks my butt as I turn around to walk back inside.
I close the door behind me and engage the deadbolt. “Well, that was…”
“Predictable?” A smile lights Mack’s face as I sit next to him on the couch.
“Yeah, that.” I know I look nervous as I pick at the chipped dark purple polish on my nails. His hands reach over and cover mine, calming them.
“Maci, it’s okay, take a breath. I’m not here to murder you. I know you probably thought you had more time before you were stuck with me alone, but it’s kind of your fault if you didn’t expect this move from Avery.” He chuckles. There’s something about the way he talks to me. He takes everything seriously but also makes it lighter. I’m much calmer just being this close to him. “Let’s turn on a movie and hang out, exactly what we would be doing if my sister hadn’t ditched us.”
He flips on the TV, putting the remote down before he even attempts to scan the channels for something to watch. Be normal, Maci, you can do this.
I turn toward him and pull my knee up so it rests against his thigh. “So tell me all about California.” I imagine my eyes go starry because I can’t help but instantly daydream about any place that’s not here. It’s not that I don’t love Oregon because I do. There’s just so much more of the world out there, and how will I know if there’s a place I love more if I don't explore it?
“Hmmm, what do you want to know? The weather is perfect all the time. There are as many taco stands as there are Dutch Bros Coffee here. Where I live is only forty minutes from the beach. You would love it.”
“You hardly know anything about me, so how would you know that?” I tease, knowing I would, in fact, probably love California.
“What’s not to love about sunshine and tacos?” He smirks. “Tell me, whatdoyou love, Maci Jackson?”
“I don’t think I know.” He looks at me with confusion written all over his face, so I clarify. “I mean I know what things I love. Day trips to the beach with Avery. Live music, anywhere. Those pizza rolls were freaking good. Oooh, I took an interesting psychology class a few months ago that I loved.” I’m rambling now. “I want to say I love to travel, but I haven’t really been anywhere. I mean in the U.S. I have, but I want to try international travel. I guess I don’t feel like I can know what I truly love or want if I haven’t experienced enough. Does that make sense? Is that weird?”
He’s looking at me like he’s studying my face for something. “Nah, it’s not weird at all. I get it. I kind of felt the same before I moved to Cali. I had my band here and the guys I played soccer with, but nothing that really got me excited. Even though my band moved with me, it’s different. We have a real stage to play on, we get to go on tour every once in a while, it’s a different experience.” He shrugs. “Plus, home should be somewhere where there are as many tacos as there are in California.”
I twist my body slightly so I can lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder. It’s a bold move for me, but if I’m going to make an effort, I want to commit and feel out my chemistry with him. It’s comfortable, like I’ve known him forever, but I’m trapped in this weird place of knowing I technically have and haven’t all at the same time. “I think I’d like California.”
“You should come visit sometime.” He doesn’t seem bothered by our new level of contact. “I keep inviting Avery. Maybe you can talk her into coming down sometime before the wedding.”
I shoot up. “Umm, are you holding out on me Mack Michael Torres?!”
“That’s not my middle name.” He laughs as he wraps his arm around me, pulling me back closer to him.
“Don’t change the subject. Do you know something I don’t?”
“Nope.” He pops the P. “I wouldn’t tell you anyway.” He rubs his thumb along my shoulder. I can feel him smiling through the way his body shifts.
“What if I was your girlfriend? Then would you tell me?”
Panic rushes through me at the same moment he pulls back enough that my head falls off his shoulder. “Wait, let me backtrack. That came out wrong,” I blurt at him before he can say anything. “I mean–”
He’s looking at me, amusement all over his face. He cuts me off. “Are you always this nervous or do I just bring out the best in you?” He says it more jokingly than judgmentally, trying to ease my nerves. Something about the way he talks to me is soothing.
“Well, I’m always awkward, but I mostly blame you for the nerves.” I held back my thoughts so often with Dean, worried I’d scare him away more from the commitment he was never willing to make. I don’t want to do that again.
Mack’s face goes serious. “Are you nervous because of the situation or because of me?”
“Ummm.” I take a moment to think about my response. “Both? I rushed into things in my last…not relationship. I fell fast and let my emotion cloud my ability to read the situation. It shouldn’t have been such a shock when he left.”
“Try not to beat yourself up too much. We are always a little blind when it comes to the people we care about most. I think one of the reasons my dad started drinking so much was because he felt guilty for not seeing a sign my mom was going to leave. It’s easy to feel like it’s your fault, but all you can do is be upfront and learn where to draw the line if others aren’t willing to do the same.”
