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“I tried not to worry about making it an official commitment because the rest of it was there. I should have been more concerned about the reason we never took that step. Maybe if I had realized that was an important line, I could have saved myself from the inevitable heartbreak.” I sigh, feeling that pain creep back in.
He nods in acknowledgement. “Is that important to you? A title?”
I turn toward him, sitting criss-crossed. My heart races with how anxious being this honest makes me, but this level of transparency is what I want. “I tried to convince myself it wasn’t, but I guess I want to feel like if I’m all in, the other person is too? Now I’m nervous because I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m afraid I won’t be able to navigate a relationship any better this time.” Dang it. I did it again. “Wait, sorry. I’m not trying to make it sound like you and I are going to be a thing.”
He’s trying to hold back a smile, but it slips through for a second. I instantly worry what I’ve told him was dumb. “I understand. Well, for the record, here’s where I’m at: I was in a serious relationship before I moved to California. I was with her for a few years, and we lived together. In the interest of full transparency, it was my fault it didn’t work out. I realized I had a lot of shit to work through because of my parents’ relationship, or lack thereof. It took a while, but it’s finally all sorted, I think. I can’t say I’m perfect, but I can say that when I do decide to try again, I’ll be ready to commit.”
The way he offers so much information freely is encouraging. “Thank you for telling me all that. So, this girl…”
“Not in the picture. Even if the timing had been right, we weren’t right for each other.” He rests his hand gently on my knee. “I’m not naive enough to think you and I could be right together when we don’t even know each other as adults. But so it’s clear, I’m interested in taking the time to find out.”
“A few days ago I would have been against the idea, but being with you right now, I’m a lot more comfortable than I expected. I think it’s worth trying to see if there’s anything here.” I laugh quietly and add, “If not for our sake, at least to get Avery off our backs.”
He smiles and pulls me in until I’m leaning against him again. “I think so too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
I’mlyingonthecouch, with a blanket folded over me when I wake to the smell of coffee. Gross. The best part about Avery always being at Miller’s is the morning coffee smell left with her. Wait, I thought Avery left last night? Oh. Shit.
Mack.
Did I tell him last night I would try this? Am I really ready to date? Dean has still partially occupied my mind lately. I don’t want to hurt anyone if it could be prevented, especially Mack. According to Avery, he’s had a crush on me since high school. This isn’t something I should rush into knowing he already feels stronger about me than I do about him.
“Morning.” His voice comes from the kitchen, a little scratchy from using it for the first time today.
I sit, an involuntary smile appearing on my face. “Morning.”
“I made coffee. I wasn’t sure how you liked it, so I tried to make it the way Avery likes it.”
“Ummm, I actually hate coffee,” I say, dramatically covering my face with my hands, peeking through my fingers to check his reaction.
“Oh, thank God, so do I. I have no idea if this would even taste good to someone who liked it.” He laughs as he dumps the entire cup into the sink. Okay, he’s making such an effort. As long as I’m honest with him, I at least owe it to myself to try. Bad timing isn’t a good enough reason not to explore this, and it’s not like Dean is coming back to sweep me off my feet. “So we have the whole day to ourselves! If you are free or don’t feel the need to run away from me yet.” He breaks me out of my thoughts, looking at me and waiting for an answer.
“I was planning on going to the Saturday Market. Can you still handle the cold, or are you too “California” now?”
“Let’s do it!”
Despite not getting a lot of sleep last night, I’m not tired. Poor Mack, I’ve been dragging him up and down every aisle of the market. On Saturdays, the city blocks off a few streets downtown, covering them in at least seven or eight rows of folding tables and pop up tents. He’s patient as I stop by every booth. He stands just behind me with his hands in his pockets, and I feel his eyes on me the entire time. There’s nothing I want to buy, but I love experiencing how excited all the shop owners are about their crafts. It’s cool they’ve found something that makes them so happy they are willing to stand in the freezing cold to share it with the world. I hope I find something I love enough to freeze for someday.
After I’ve thoroughly checked out every single table, I send Mack to find us somewhere to sit while I head back to the food stands. He tried to come with me so he could pay, but I insisted on putting together the perfect brunch for us. I don’t know what he prefers yet, so I try to play it a little safe. I land on two different types of crépes, a matcha fruit smoothie, a fresh squeezed lemonade and a plate of french fries because that’s always a safe bet.
“Wow, this is quite the assortment you have here,” he declares, helping me with the three plates and two cups I carried across the Market.
I shrug. “Sometimes you have to go with your gut, even if it makes no sense, ya know?”
“I do know.” His expression says he’s referring to something else entirely. “So what did you get us?”
Either I got lucky with my choices, or Mack really isn’t a picky eater because all our food is gone within a few minutes. As he’s throwing away our plates, a band starts setting up on the lawn stage. “Ooohhh, can we please stay? I looovee live music.” It’s already easy to be myself around him. I’m not sure if it’s because I assume he knows what I’m like since his sister is my best friend, or because I’m genuinely comfortable around him.
“Of course. You know I play live music…like for my job…all the time, right?” His eyes flicker with amusement.
“Oh yeaaah, well, it’s easy to forget when I’ve never heard you play before.”
“You knooooooow,” he drags out dramatically. “I’m playing at a local bar in a couple weeks. By local I mean to me, obviously. You could come if you wanted.”
I search his face for confirmation he’s being serious. It’s one thing for him to come here, where his sister lives, and spend time with me, but it’s another for me to go someplace I’ve never been before.
I go with my gut. Not listening to it didn’t work out for me before, so maybe it’s time I do now. “Alright.”
