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Oh, this I can answer. Get to rambling so you’re distracted, Maci. “Umm, I’ve been working here, well not here, more in the jungle. Not really working, volunteering, for this place that helps rehabilitate women who have been kidnapped and trafficked.” It’s easier to relax thinking about my time here over the past eight weeks.
“Didn’t you take a weekend class about that? That sounds perfect for you. Did you love it?” He seems truly interested, jumping into conversation like it hasn’t been a year since we’ve spoken. Wait, he remembers that? I think I only said it in passing once. It might have even been a conversation I was having with Aden.
“Yeah, I did,” I say, a little stunned by everything. “How….are you? Do you like it here?”
“I mean, what’s not to love? This view is incredible.” He doesn’t break his eye contact with me. “I traveled around at first, but I’ve been here for about six months. I’ve been staying up the beach a little ways. I work here in the mornings and surf in the afternoon. It’s pretty great.” He shrugs.
“Sounds perfect.”
“Almost,” he says wistfully, locking his eyes with mine but not elaborating.
The silence that felt perfect a few minutes ago now feels incredibly awkward. “Soooo, I was thinking about paddle boarding today. I only plan on being here for a few days until I head somewhere new, but figured it was something I could try. Looks like you can help me?” I say while motioning to the hut behind us.
“Sure can. You don’t want to surf? I can teach you.”
“Yeah, I’m not that adventurous. Baby steps.”
“That’s not what I remember.” He winks and the insinuation in his voice makes me blush.
For the love of me staying rational, please do not wink at me. It’s like I’m back to square one, all the hard work I’ve done to be more in control of my life and emotions washes away with this golden boy’s face existing in my presence. “Maybe tomorrow. One thing at a time. I just got here, and I haven’t been in the ocean in months.”
The smile he flashes my way freezes me in my place long after he’s walked away to get me a board.
Am I in love? I’m positive. This is definitely my new favorite thing. I can’t believe I’ve never tried this before. I’ve been out here long enough I can tell my sunscreen has worn off because the skin on my nose is tight. I was worried I was going to fall, but my board hasn’t so much as dipped its edge into the water. The only wet I got was from purposely splashing myself when my skin got too warm. I’ve stripped down to my jean shorts and black bikini top, and I’m sitting cross legged, my paddle tucked under my foot. In front of me is like a National Geographic photograph–a soft, off white beach, the palm tree branches swaying only slightly and the water is so clear I can see crabs scurrying around the ocean floor. I was comfortable within the first half hour and paddled a little ways from the shore, past where the waves would break, just in case.
My anxiety has faded, even as I stare toward the hut I know Dean sits inside, despite not being able to see him. As panicked as I was when I first saw him, it’s become comforting. These past two months have been nothing short of magical. Maybe that’s not quite the right word. It was eye opening learning how cruel the world can be, and to some extent it did take a toll on me. It’s probably why seeing a familiar face feels so good. But I also got to experience the kind of forgiveness and love that is possible from people despite the darkness that exists. I know I was supposed to be the one changing the lives of the women I was helping, but my soul tells me they made a bigger impact on me. The way they were able to let go of the past because they realized it was truly the only way to move forward was beautiful. Being around them has freed me of a lot of the residual pain and guilt I’ve felt when it comes to Mack, and everything else I’ve been holding on to.
I thought I had already let go of any residual feelings when it came to Dean, but I was proven wrong as soon as his voice rang through my ears, and our chemistry instantly resurfaced. Floating out here in the middle of the ocean, it feels like letting go of the past with him is the right thing to do, but once he’s in front of me again, can I figure out how to let go of the pain I’ve harbored? What does it mean that I came here searching for myself, and I found him too?
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
Thesunglowsbehindthe trees by the time I spot Dean standing at the edge of the water waving me to the shore. I’m both reluctant and anxious to be back on land. When I get there, he takes my board from me. His shorts are hanging off his hips, and he smells like salt and sunshine. It’s hard not to stare and want to follow him way too closely as he heads toward the hut.
“How much do I owe you?”
“Nah, nothing. It’s the least I can do.” He turns and lets his eyes connect with mine again, an unreadable expression in them.
“Okay, how about dinner?” I say somewhere between an unsure question and statement.
“I know just the place.” A smile lights his face.
Everywhere I go in this country should be in a movie, and this taco bar isn’t an exception. There are little black wicker tables scattered over the sand, twinkle lights strung among surrounding palm trees. A guy in the corner is playing a guitar, singing a song in Spanish, I can’t totally understand. Even after two months at the sanctuary, my Spanish isn’t perfect, but the words flowing out of him sound romantic, and it’s setting a mood. We wind through a few tables to the taco cart. “What do you want?” I ask, straining in the dark to read the menu written in black marker on a piece of cardboard.
“Surprise me. I’m going to get us a table.” He points in the direction of the tables with a darkening view of the ocean, his hand grazing my still bare lower back before walking away. A burst of energy transfers between us where we make contact, leaving my skin tingling. Well, I guess some things don’t change.
As I wait for our tacos, I scan in every direction except the way Dean left. When our food is ready, I loop the neck of two beer bottles between my fingers so I can carry all the paper trays in my hands. I ordered us two of each, knowing he’s probably at least as hungry as I am.
“Mmm, thank you.” He pulls the tacos out of my hands to set them on the table, reaching back up for one of the beers.
As he brings one of the tacos to his mouth, his gaze returns to where it was, on the waves you can barely make out crashing into the shore. His mood seems to have shifted. I wonder what happened and if I should say anything. Definitely trying to stay casual here since it’s strange we’re even in this situation, but nothing with him has ever felt casual.
His voice breaks through my thoughts. “I’m sorry about how I left.”
More confusion washes over me until realization about what he’s referring to hits me. That was the last thing I ever expected to hear. “It’s okay.”
“I mean, not really. I had to do it, but I could have gone about it a little differently.”
“You mean not after you sedated me with really great sex and before kicking me out of your truck.” My laugh and eye roll happen simultaneously. I really do mean it as a joke. After connecting with Mack, the majority of my insecurities and frustrations around Dean dissipated. Of course I wondered what went through his head during all of that, but I had accepted I would never get the answers, like I’m assuming I still won't now.
