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Maci:Trust me, it threw me too. I never expected to ever see him again. But it’s nice having a familiar face in an unfamiliar place. That’s all.
Mack:Okay, you know how much I love you, right?
Maci:I know. I love you too.
Sure, I apparently still have chemistry with Dean. But that’s all this is. I think. His admissions felt more like a clearing of conscience, and that’s not enough to make me consider the possibility of it being more. Plus, I’m traveling. Then I’m going home where I’ll try again with Mack because I do love him and the future I want is with him. There’s magic around traveling that distorts reality a bit. These new thoughts sneaking into my head are simply that.
Maci:I’m off to learn how to surf! Pray I don’t get eaten by a shark! I’ll talk to you later! Happy New Year!
Mack:Be careful, Maci.
I’m not sure if he’s talking about surfing or Dean, but I have a feeling he’s less concerned about sharks.
I set my phone down, and my thumb runs over the note on the nightstand, covered in the most simple words from Dean. I wonder how much he’s changed since I last saw him.
I shake away the stray thoughts this morning has brought into my head and lock the door behind me as I leave for the beach.
Yesterday felt like a walk through a haze with Dean, similar to when you wake from a dream that felt simultaneously vivid and clouded and for a moment you aren’t sure if it happened in real life or only in your head. Unlike so many mornings during the months I pined for Dean and dreamed about him coming back, this time he actually appeared.
It’s a strange and ever changing feeling I haven’t figured out how to navigate. Today already seems different, even though I haven’t seen him. The shock and anxiety has been replaced with a sense of calm and comfort, as if this entire encounter isn’t only a random coincidence. I’m more confident around him this time. I didn’t even put on makeup when I left the house, not that I need it from this natural glow my skin has from being outside so much lately.
I slowly make my way down the beach, the nearly white sand cool under my bare feet. My hair has been lightened by the sun, and the salty air has created the perfect beach waves. Looking into the mirror this morning, a feeling washed over me that I belong here, even if I take Dean and Mack out of the equation completely. I’m not sure if it was a “here in Costa Rica” feeling, or in this place of not being tied down and having the freedom to do what I want and figure out who I want to be feeling.
I reach Dean just as a customer walks away from him. “You didn’t leave me directions! What if I got lost trying to find this place again?”
“I wasn’t worried about you finding your way back to me.” He smiles as he looks up at me. He starts walking my way, with sandy bare feet, blue and white striped board shorts soaked with salt water, like he’s already been out in the ocean today. He’s shirtless and…Okaay. Maybe I can’t take men out of the equation. Especially because what was with that line he just gave me? How am I supposed to ignore statements like that?
This time yesterday, I was on a high from leaving the sanctuary, and I felt so much gratitude for Mack, thinking about the night we spent together before I left, and how I planned on going back to him. I swear. Even this morning talking to him, I felt confident in that belief. But now, it’s like the shock wore off with the morning fog, and standing in front of Dean, I’m suddenly overwhelmed by how much he opened up to me. Then he makes a single comment laced with innuendo, and it cracked the wall I had built to keep all my feelings about him away.
Though, there still isn’t a reason to assume. Just because he felt that way before, doesn’t necessarily mean he does now. He could just be full of lines. Either way, the lines are feeling a little blurry all of a sudden, and I already feel myself naturally drifting over as if being pulled by an invisible connection.
Chill out, Maci, you’re reading too much into all of this, and there’s nothing to worry about right now. I’ll focus on one thing at a time. I’m going to go with the flow like I did yesterday. If you take out the shock factor, it ended up being a great day. I’ll ignore whatever the intention behind those words were and every other man related thought. “So I was thinking I could just paddle board again today.”
“Nope, not happening. I’m playing hooky, and you’re learning to surf. The waves are perfect, and the water is plenty warm enough.”
“You really don’t have to work?”
“Nah, this place is more of a locals’ area. Not sure how you ended up on this part of the beach to be honest. It’s rare we get customers, and the boss doesn’t care anyway.”
I promised myself I would go with the flow today, and there would be no use in arguing with him. I’ve never been able to deny him. This hold he’s always had on me whenever he’s close is strange. Annoying. Frustrating. Magical. I don’t know. What do I know right now? Dear God, Maci, we are living in the moment today. Snap out of it.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me toward the rack the boards are leaning against.
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
Everymuscleinmybody is exhausted from trying again and again to stand on the board. At least another hour went by after I first successfully stood before I was able to catch more than one wave in a row. Dean has been so patient with me, and it was exciting when it paid off. He’s got the biggest grin on his face as I paddle back to him after this last run. He looks proud of me. This feeling is surreal. Am I trapped in a movie? Or an alternate reality? I’m pretty sure I am.
Pulling up next to him, I sit on my board, letting my feet dangle on either side in the warm, clear water.
“That was a good run!”
“Yeah, it felt great! Finally getting the hang of it, but also, you might have to carry me home because every part of me hurts.” Home. The thought flashes across my mind that it was a weird choice of words, but it felt oddly right. I can’t control the next words that pour out of me. “This is strange, right? It feels like a dream or something. What are the chances we found our way back to each other? I don’t mean like that. That came out weird. I’m sorry. It’s just, after you left, I hoped so many times you’d come back, but seeing you here now, I’m glad you didn’t.”
“Because you met someone else?” He doesn’t appear jealous, rather genuinely curious.
“No. I mean yes, I did. But that’s not what I mean. You seem happy here, more at peace. And a lot less confusing than I remember.” I laugh, reaching into the water to fling it at him.
