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“Like one time.” He smirks.
“Okay, well, if we can do it once, we can do it again. We haven’t seen each other in a year. There’s no reason for you to be uncomfortable.” Tossing my clothes on top of my bag, I grab his wrist with one hand and pull the blanket off the floor with the other. He gives me an uneasy smile and pulls his shirt over his head when I release him. Looking back as if he needs confirmation that was okay, I motion toward the bed. “Can you stop being weird? It’s freaking me out.”
Laughing as he flicks off the light, he mumbles something under his breath. When the mattress sinks under his weight, I turn to face him. “But thank you for the apology earlier.” I’m trying to match the sincerity he’s been showing me today, even if it all seems like an out of body experience.
“Can I tell you something else?” he whispers.
“Mhmmm.” I’m tired from the day, but curiosity outweighs it.
“The only reason I didn’t come into your apartment the first night I took you home, and why I resisted you at our sleepover…I didn’t want to want you. I had a feeling it could potentially keep me from figuring out where I was going with my life.”
“What made you cave?” I’m curious what the tipping point was.
“Umm, I know this makes me sound like a jealous asshole, but it was seeing you playing pool with another guy. Obviously I got that wrong, but I decided I had no choice but to give in if I didn’t want to see you with someone else.”
“But you left me anyway.” It comes out as a fact, without judgment.
“I know.”
I have no words in response to him continuing to validate everything I ever wondered. Again, I contemplate telling him how much his leaving shattered my heart, but hold back. Instead, I close the distance between us, kissing his lips softly, noticing neither of us close our eyes. “Happy New Year, Dean.”
His eyes fill with surprise, like he had no idea what today’s date was. Maybe that’s what pulled me to kiss him. He’s been my only New Year’s kiss, and it felt right, but now I have to ignore the chills that run straight to my spine and how badly the urge is to go back for another kiss. His vulnerability today is hitting me hard. As soon as I turn back over, Dean pulls me backward, into him.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
WhenIopenmyeyes, I’m disoriented, and my vision is blurred by the sleep stuck in the corner of my eyes. I rub them, the room coming into focus and my memory flooding back. Turning over, my hand flings out to search for Dean on the other side of the bed, but falls straight to the mattress. Wait, did I dream all of this? Or did he disappear on me again? I’m in his room, so he can’t do that. Can he? Sitting, I catch a glimpse of a crumpled receipt covered in writing on the nightstand.
Morning Gorgeous,
Had to leave for work. Come down for your surfing lesson when you’re ready.
I smile and think back to last night. I can’t believe Dean professed his feelings to me. After agonizing over all the possible scenarios of what he could have felt during the few months we were together, none of them were as hopeful as this reality. His disclosures seemed out of character for him, but maybe it’s because I didn’t really know him at all. I wonder how many people do? He’s already let me in more than before. I wonder if it would be pushing my luck today to try and find out more. Do I want that? Am I setting myself up for something I can’t handle or don’t need right now? I’m leaving in a few days, and I have to keep going on this journey I promised myself. And when I get home, Mack will be there, and we will give us another shot. Oh shit, Mack.
Reaching for my phone, I see there’s already a text from him.
Mack:Hey, Mace, just making sure you made it to your next place okay.
Mack:Just checking in again…a little worried I haven’t heard from you.
Whoops.
Maci:Hey, I’m so sorry, time got away from me yesterday. I made it here, and I’m safe!
I change into my bikini as I wait for his reply.
Mack:You scared me. I’m glad you’re okay. How was your day?
Maci:It was great. I learned how to paddle board! And the craziest thing happened. I ran into Dean. What are the chances? So weird. I might try surfing today.
He replies as quickly as I regret hitting send on the text. Panic starts rushing through me, knowing it wasn’t the best idea to tell Mack that Dean is here. There’s nothing to worry about, but I know he will anyway.
Mack:Dean, your ex, Dean? That is crazy. Did you know he was there?
Maci:No! I haven’t talked to him in a year. Total coincidence.
Seriously, I’m still in shock trying to wrap my head around the odds. The three dots indicating he’s typing appear and disappear three times before his text comes through.
Mack:I know I have no right to say anything, I heard you when you said you weren’t ready for our relationship yet. But this is really throwing me, Mace. I don’t feel good about it.
