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Maci:I made it to Thailand!
Mack:That’s great, Maci. It's been on your list forever. How was Paris?
Maci:It was amazing. I’ll miss my daily morning trip to the boulangerie. The French really understand the value of bread. You know how much I love bread.
Mack:Maci, you love all food.
Maci:I’m an equal opportunity foodie.
Mack:So you’re going to try deep fried crickets while you’re there?
Maci:Ummm…to be determined.
Mack:hahah keep me posted.
Maci:I will. How are you?
Mack:The past few weeks have been really good.
Maci:Why didn’t you tell me about your new job and that you moved home?
Mack:I wanted to. To be clear, I’d rather do these things with you. But I didn’t want you to think I was doing all of this just to entice you to come back to me. Yeah, I want to do what I can to be the person I believe could make you happy, but I also understand that right now you’re already doing what you need to be happy. This trip you’re on…despite me missing you and wishing you were here with me, I know it’s more than just traveling for a few months. You’re creating a part of your life that will help mold you into who you want to become. I want that for you.
Maci:Thank you for saying that. I’ve been kind of feeling like you didn’t understand.
Mack:That’s my fault. It’s easier for me to be vocal about how much I miss you because it’s always on my mind, but I truly want you to get everything out of this journey you need, regardless of how long that takes.
Maci:I hope you know it’s not that I don’t want you with me. I just feel like it’s something I should do on my own.
Mack:I get it. Not that there’s a timeline for anything, but I had to remind myself I’ve had more time than you to figure out what I wanted for my life. When I graduated, I picked up my entire life to move to California. Playing music and touring was my version of doing something I loved while also figuring out what is most important to me. You deserve to be able to do the same thing.
Maci:But we weren’t together then. You didn’t have to worry about letting anyone else down. I don’t want to let you down.
Mack:I love you, Maci. Every part of me wants us to end up together, but the only thing that would truly be a let down is if you chose us when it’s not the right choice or time for you. I’ve never stopped believing we could create a life we both loved together. I have faith this can work out for us, but whatever you decide, I won’t regret all the time we’ve had together and every second I spend loving you.
Maci:You always know what to say to remind me why I love you.
Mack:Just letting you know how I feel. I never want you to have any doubt about my feelings. Have fun in Thailand. Bring me home a cricket.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
BasedonBrooke’ssuggestion,I take a 30 minute car ride to Phang Nga Bay, which is a little northeast of the town where I’m staying. You can take canoeing tours into the sea caves, and I’m excited.
Where the car dropped me off, I can’t see past the tropical trees. There’s an overwhelming sound of birds. I don’t see them, but there must be a lot because it’s loud–and beautiful. It’s also hard to breathe. The air is so palpable, it feels thick as I inhale.
I take a deep breath before pushing my way through the slightly hidden path. I’m rewarded with a view unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. As much as I loved Costa Rica, its beauty is hardly comparable to what lies before me. The sand is whiter than any I’ve ever seen. The water is at least ten shades of teal and turquoise while also being crystal clear. It’s odd it doesn’t smell salty.
Massive boulders covered in foliage line the edge of the bay, looking as if they are floating slightly above the water. Out further, islands are sprinkled amongst the morning haze. I don’t see the caves but head toward the canoe hut.
Once I get checked in, the guide, Nattan, helps me drag my boat to the edge of the water. As I’m climbing in, a baby shark, no bigger than my arm swims by my foot. This is amazing. I’m thankful I took this leap. I’m still not sure what I expected to get from my journey, but this moment right here is worth all of it.
It’s not until I start paddling out that I realize the caves are under the boulders. There’s a hardly noticeable gap under them we must go through. Okay wait, maybe I take back how excited I am. That looks terrifying. Get it together, Maci. You’re here, and you have to make the most of this experience or you’ll regret not doing this.
Following the instruction of my guide, Nattan, I point my canoe in the direction of the cave and lie down with my back flat against it. As I float under the entrance, the rock is less than a foot from me. Condensation drips onto my face, making me more claustrophobic, and it’s even more difficult to breathe. Using my hands, I gently push against the ceiling until I’m inside the cave. When it opens, Nattan turns his lantern on, and a rush of cool, damp air replaces the rock around me. I sit up to take in my surroundings. It’s dark, but I can make out an entirely new world. Years of being worn by water has created hundreds of different designs in the rock, seemingly etched into the walls. Stalactites hang from the ceiling by the smallest connection, like icicles. Stalagmites rise from rock platforms that rest slightly above the water level near the edges of the cave. Both have a slight sparkle, making them look as if they are intricate decorations. When Nattan holds the light higher, I can see a colony of bats, all sleeping and hardly disturbed by our presence.
My tour ended perfectly. Right before we headed back to shore we released a beautiful flower and leaf peace offering with candles. It’s called a Krathong, and designed to thank the Goddess of Water. It was the perfect ending to the experience, and I’m glad I pushed past my fear going into that cave. I’m gaining a new appreciation for difficult experiences that lead me to cherish good things more.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
