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going to be perfect, but I know whichever route you take, it’ll be the right one, and you’ll make it work. But also, because I know you have this idea in your head, I’m reminding you that just because Miller and I found each other so young–your parents too–there isn’t a deadline for starting the rest of your life. There’s no rush. We just happened to stumble into our time. Maybe you figure it out before you come home, maybe you don’t. Either way, it’s all going to work out for you when it’s your time too.
Maci:You read my mind. Thanks for this, for being you. I’ll talk to you soon. Text me after you sample cakes this weekend!
I put my phone away and look outside to the street as one car cuts off another and loud honks blare from every direction. I wonder if it happens often, the picture we have in our head of how things are or were not aligning with reality. I expected to walk into the heart of this city and see the magazine picture come to life. When it wasn’t that, it felt like such a let down. I worry something similar would happen in my life. Both of the scenarios I came up with talking to Avery are lives I would happily live. They are also dreams over which I don’t have complete control.
When I decided to give things with Mack a chance, I worked it up in my head to be this picture perfect opportunity for a relationship–girl falls in love with best friend’s brother, and a happily ever after is inevitable. Did I put so much pressure on it being perfect that anything else didn’t seem like enough? Subconsciously could that have been more of the reason I initially left than the night he made one mistake?
What about Costa Rica? I walked onto that beach, and it felt like a dream too. It looked like I was on a movie set. The way the waves crashed onto untouched morning sand, with the sunrise adding a pink hue over everything, it was the definition of no filter needed. Then Dean came into view, and it was like a scene straight out of a romance movie you joke about being unrealistic. Was it really that magical, or was it just a dream finally playing out, so I thought it was? I wonder if that’s a thing too? Is my memory of my time with Dean simply misplaced nostalgia? Like thinking back you remember things better than they actually were because that’s how you wanted them to be; I hoped for it to work out between us for so long, did I make it up to be more than it was in my mind?
I need to figure out if it’s possible for the vision I have for my life to align with what it can realistically look like and if the scenarios I played out with Avery are within reach.
By the time I leave the coffee shop, never ending circles of thoughts are running through my head about the possibility life could look like an edited picture depending on your perspective. Without being near either Mack or Dean, I thought maybe it would be easier to sort out my thoughts and make a decision. Apparently it won’t be. I asked the barista for a suggestion for a safe place to stay and a good place to eat. After checking into a small hotel up the road, I head off to find food.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
Imustbelost.The further I walk down this road, the sketchier it feels. Everything in me says to turn around, especially when the street becomes a cobblestone alley, and the sun starts to set behind the buildings. I keep walking anyway.
A neon “open” sign glows in the window ahead. Finally I’m in the right place. Upon opening the door, a little bell dings, and a beautiful blonde woman looks up from behind the cash register to smile at me. This is not what I expected in the middle of Thailand, but here I am, and if I’ve realized one thing lately, it’s that life is full of surprises.
The girl introduces herself as Brooke and sets a menu in front of me. Before she walks away, I tell her to bring me whatever she recommends; that I eat almost anything.
When she returns, I can’t help speaking my thoughts. “You’re not who I expected to be my waitress anywhere in Thailand.”
She laughs. “I get that a lot. I came to visit a few years ago, right after I graduated college. I wanted to go on an adventure before I had to join the grind of American adulthood and do what was expected of me, but I loved it here so much, I never went back.”
“You didn’t even go home first?”
“Nope!” Her eyes drift to the corner of the room as if she’s recalling a memory. “I sent my roommate back home another month of rent and told her to get rid of all my things. I haven’t looked back since.”
“Wow…that’s…” I’m sitting there in shock, my fork paused in midair on its way to take my first bite of the spicy pineapple curry she placed in front of me.
“Crazy?” She laughs.
“I was going to say amazing. I’m kind of doing the same thing. Not the staying here forever part–I don’t want that–but the finding yourself part. Did it work for you?”
“It depends on who you ask.” A sad expression washes over her face before she recovers. “What I can tell you is I don’t regret it for a single second. You only get one life to live, so you have to live it the best you know how, ya know?”
“Yeah…but how do you know what that looks like? I used to think maybe it could be a gut feeling, but my gut doesn’t seem to know a lot these days…except that this curry is the best thing I’ve ever tasted. Holy shit.” I shove another bite into my mouth. This place is the definition of a hole in the wall, a hidden gem somewhere it shouldn’t exist.
She laughs, pulling out the chair across from me to sit down. I’m the only customer in the dining room. “Start at the beginning, and let’s see if we can figure it out.” She leans forward, resting her chin on her fists, ready to listen.
Right then, a group of five gentlemen walk in wanting a table.
“Damn,” Brooke says when she sees them and turns back to me. “Okay, I’m saying this because my gut tells me you won’t think it’s crazy. I live a few streets over from here. I work tomorrow during the day, but maybe after you can come over, and I can help you sort through this?”
“That sounds great.” I’m excited to have a new friend here so soon after arriving.
She writes an address, her number and the name of something on a piece of receipt paper she pulled from her apron and slides it my way. “Tomorrow, go to the other place I also wrote down. You won’t regret it.”
“Thanks, Brooke. I’ll see you soon.”
She gets up to help her new customers while I finish my meal. When I’m finished, I leave double the cost of my meal in the baht I exchanged my colon for at the airport, and walk back to my very small hotel room.
After taking a much needed shower, I slip under the thin white comforter. I grab my phone off the nightstand, pulled to reach out to the other Torres sibling today too.
Maci:Hey
Mack:Hi. How are you?
