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Heat crawls up my neck. Hope’s noticed my absence?
“No. Not there.” I run my hand over the back of my head. Why do I suddenly feel like I’m being grilled by my favorite big sister? “I, uh, I’ve been staying at Grinder’s old apartment some nights. It’s closer to Emily’s place.”
As if those were magic words, Hope’s entire face lights up. “Really?”
“Why do you sound so shocked?” I ask, although it’s not shock I sense in her words or expression. It’s something more unnerving—relief and excitement. I can practically hear the wedding bells ringing in her ears.
“I didn’t realize you two were that serious.” She cocks her head. “Why haven’t you brought her up here, yet?”
Wanting to end this before Hope gets carried away, I fake disinterest. “Who says it’s serious?”
“You moved closer toherand farther away from everything else?” She shrugs. “Sounds serious to me.”
“I’m not particular about where I lay my head at night.” My mouth slides into a smirk. “Maybe I just want easier access to my hookup.”
She snort-giggles, which makes Alexa laugh too.
“Easier access?” She turns, gesturing toward the clubhouse with her free hand. “What’s easier than girls throwing themselves at you in your own living room?”
“You’ve got me there, I guess.”
“What’s wrong?”
Am I really going to burden her with this? I know some of my brothers—especially Murphy—like to think of Hope as a motherly sounding board for all their relationship issues. Or our own personal Wendy looking after all the lost boys here at the MC compound as Teller might put it. But I’m not a boy who needs dating advice. At least I don’t think so.
“You’re usually so…” She seems to be searching for a word that won’t offend me. “Secretive. The fact that you mentioned her at all seems serious.”
“I’m not secretive. I just don’t like broadcasting all my business to everyone.” I flick my hand toward the clubhouse. “I don’t know if it’s serious or not.”
Who am I trying to lie to, here? Hope, or myself?
I tug the rag out of my pocket, absently twisting it around my fingers. “I…like Emily a lot. I haven’t felt so…connected to anyone like this since…”
Why can’t I force Debbie’s name out of my mouth?
Hope rests her hand on my arm. Either to offer comfort or to let me know I don’t have to continue. Whatever the reason, her touch gives me the nudge I need to finish the thought. “Since my wife died.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Oh.”
“Rock never told you?” I ask.
She drops her gaze to the ground. Rock must’ve given her a short version. “I didn’t realize you’d been married until I met Juliet down in Florida and she mentioned it.”
My lips curve at the mention of Juliet’s name. “She was just a kid, but Debbie loved that girl something fierce.”And I did a shit job of looking out for her the way I should have.“It’s been so long.” I press my fist against my chest. “But seeing someone else still feels almost disloyal…maybe that’s not the right word.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
“It’s…complicated.” I run my hand over the back of my head again and drop my gaze to Alexa, who’s busy collecting little rocks and stacking them at our feet. “Shoot, you know the last person I talked about this with was Axel?”
Hope frowns at the mention of Heidi’s dead first husband. “Axel? Why?”
“When Heidi got pregnant, he had a hard time…accepting it.”
Her mouth sets into a grim line. Hope had liked Axel and I think it hurt when she learned he wasn’t the nice guy everyone thought he was. “I remember,” she says in a tight voice.
“Anyway. I’d been in his shoes. Knew how he felt. I thought I could help him through it. But man, all that fucker did was bitch about her…” My gaze drops to Alexa again. She’s too little to understand what we’re talking about, right? “Not having an—”
Hope holds up one hand. “I understand.”
