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“The first time he said it, I kind of understood. I’d been there. But let’s just say, I was younger than he was when it happened to me, and I still moved on to acceptance a lot sooner.”
“Everyone processes things differently, Dex,” she says as if she feels obligated to point that out.
“Yeah. I get that. But some of the shit he said rubbed me wrong. Heshould’vebeen thankful he had a wife and healthy baby girl instead of acting like the world robbed him.” Anger turns my tone harsher than I intended and I take a breath.
I twist the rag between my fingers again. “I was already iffy about him based on how he acted at Crystal Ball and the shit that went down when he didn’t patch-in. But his attitude about his own kid sealed it for me.”
Hope blinks, sadness clouding her green eyes. “I never knew that.”
“I didn’t want to start shit.” I tilt my head toward the clubhouse. “He’d left the club by then. Teller was already pissed about the whole situation. I didn’t want to make things harder on Heidi. Or say anything that would hurt her, you know?”
Sympathy shines in her eyes. “Sure.”
“I tried giving Murphy a heads-up but you know how that went.” I glance down at Alexa again. “I’m just glad they both have Murphy taking care of them now.”
She nods, then stops and takes a deep breath. “While this has been enlightening, I feel like you’re deflecting from talking about your feelings for Emily.”
God, she’s a brave woman. Shrewd as fuck too. She knows how to probe and poke all the right spots. “You miss being a lawyer?” I ask.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Not yet.”
Her clipped answer almost sounds like a warning to stop fucking around.
“I don’t know how to feel,” I finally say. “It’s been a long time since I could picture a future with another woman. Actually, it’s the first time.”
“You see a future with Emily?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
“I really do.” A goofy rush I haven’t felt since I was a kid comes over me. “She’s funny as hell. Fierce. Loyal. I feel at peace when I’m with her.Happy.” The last word comes out almost like a question.
She reaches out and rubs her hand over my bicep. “It’s a nice feeling, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“You deserve that, Dex.”
“Do I?”
“Ithink so. You work so hard for the club. You’re good to your brothers.” The corners of her mouth tilt up. “To all of us. You deserve peace and happiness for yourself.”
“I love my family.”
“Does she know? About your…about Debbie?”
Hearing Hope say my wife’s name pricks like a needle digging into my skin. I swallow hard. “I told her I married my high school sweetheart and that she died. But no more than that.”
“Did she ask?”
“No, which was a relief, honestly.” Emily seems to understand me in a way no one else ever has.
Hope nods. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“I don’t mind talking toyouabout it. I started this conversation, remember?”
“Well, I interrupted you first.” She gives me a faint smile. “Try not to let regrets about the past steal your future. I know it’s hard. Believe me, I do.”
Somehow, I always forget she was married before she met Rock. The way our club collects widows and orphans is uncanny.
“So many memories have just melted into the years,” I whisper, shame choking off my voice.
