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But seriously, I didn’t start this shit. I never do. Okay, so maybe I like to poke the bear a bit, but he really makes it so fucking easy to rile him up.
“Wicked, are you even listening?”
“Blind as a penis snake!” I snap my fingers and smile widely, like I’ve just had the best epiphany in the world. Like curing cancer or some shit. I’m talking about a real eureka moment here. A jinkies!
“¡Por el amor de dios!” Nic grumbles like he just can’t be assed with me.
Good.
I can’t be assed with him either. I mean, I could beass upfor him. Head down. You know…assuming the position. But I won’t take his shit. Dick, yes. Shit, no.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Alan drags my attention away from thoughts of bumping uglies with the douchebag and I angle my head towards him as if looking his way.
“I’m blind as a penis snake,” I say flippantly, likeduh. I have no time to play catch up here. Stay with the program.
Silence greets me in response and I let out a sigh.Great. I love explaining shit to people.Not.
“Earlier I thought to myself that I was as blind as a bat, but then I remembered hearing that bats really aren’t all that blind and it was debunked. So I was trying to think of an animal thatisblind, so I can recoin the phrase ‘blind as a bat’. And I remembered one! A new species was discovered. It has a crazy long complicated scientific name that I can’t recall, but people just call it a penis snake because it looks like the one-eyed monsters that men sport in their trousers. But it doesn’t have any eyes at all! It’s real, seriously, you can go look it up. So, therefore, I’m blind as a penis snake!”
I breathe heavily, the epic conclusion of my discovery now laid out for their peasant brains to try and process. Okay, so maybe not Alan. He can be royalty. I actually like him. But Nic can suck a penis snake with his insanely gorgeous mouth that only leaks bullshit. If we plug it, then he can’t torture us with his toxic spew.
He’s actually being rather quiet, though. That’s…different.
Did I finally break him?
The thought has me perking up in my seat. Half of me is excited, the other half is actually disappointed. He was a decent nemesis. But if he breaks this easily, then I truly have no one who can go toe-to-toe with me.
And that’s weirdly unsettling.
“¡Dios mío!”That sexy Spanish accent, with those sexy Spanish words, almost has me panting with the intensity of the heat they bring. I can’t even comprehend the rest of the foreign words that leave his mouth, but I don’t think I need to. His inflections say it all.
So, not broken. Good, good, good.
“Good God, Wicked. Please, can we just…can you just…” Alan trails off and the grin falls from my face.
“Whatever. You just don’t get it.” I pout at the incredible let down at the lack of appreciation for my revolutionary discovery. Seriously. People will forever be sayingblind as a penis snakenow instead ofblind as a bat. And it will have started here. Right now. Out of my wicked brain. I will go down in history.
Amusement pulses from the form on my left and I grin once more. “Well, at least someone gets it.”
A short burst of grumblings and muttered Spanish words answer me before the room shifts as Nic stands. “Are we done here?”
“Not even close, Nic. Sit your ass down.” Alan waits for his stubborn ass to listen before continuing. “As I was saying, I’m sick of the fucking complaints about you two. So, this is what we’re going to do. This case just hit my desk.” A loud smack of a thick file hitting said desk, rings in my ears and dread fills my bones. Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it. “You’re working it together. From here on out, you’re a team. Consider this case the first of many. Learn to do it seamlessly or you’re all going to go on an extendedunpaidleave.”
Damn it. He said it.
“Wait. What do you mean byall?” The hairs on the back of my neck prickle with unease.
“Two others will be working with you both and reporting back to me on the transition. I do hope we can learn to be adults here. Grayson! Zhao!” His abrupt change in tone and volume causes me to jump.
Reacting to my surprise, Gizmo and Snitch both act like I’m under direct threat, their furry bodies scrambling over my form as they pace and search for the source of my unease. Slowing their movements, they quiten and settle as they come to realize the source of my discomfort was merely Alan himself. Someone who would never actually hurt me. It’s probably a good thing they love him as much as I do, or they would have simply just attacked.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” My headache seems to multiply in intensity at this newest revelation and I spit around the furry tail that whips my face before leaning my head into my hands.
I don’t work well with others. Never have, never will. The chief knows this, and yet, he not only wants to make my life a living hell byforcingme to do it, but making sure I’m working with the three biggest asses in the department too.
And no, not the three biggest, juiciest, scrumptious asses–though they are that–but the ones that seem to cause a frenzy wherever they go. Whether it’s from their fucking attitude, their inability to not try to fuck anything on two legs, or their infuriating impression of a brick wall.
Fucking seriously?
