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I will throw hands. Maybe not all that well, but I’ll fucking do it.
“Oh, Wicked, did I forget to tell you? We’re teammates now! Isn’t that exciting?” Kai’s swagger is like a tangible thing as he moves into the room with, no doubt, the biggest shit-eating grin plastered on his features. I’m just assuming, but I’m probably right. I’d put money on it.
Another aura envelopes the room, except this one is all reservation and duty, and I know Ezra has joined the party.
Well…this shit is about to get wicked.
3
“Nana! You take that back right now!” I admonish the crotchety old woman before continuing to stuff my face with the ridiculously salty chili cheese nachos in front of me. So fucking yummy.
“I’ll do no such thing, Bell. You need partners, you put yourself in far too much danger for someone who can’t defend themself. It’s a good thing!” Nana is quick to back up her stance on the subject.
“I do have partners! Gizmo and Snitch are far better company, too,” I grumble on a pout. A cold, wet nose pushes against my cheek, followed by a gentle scraping of a claw against my hand that has me sighing and scooting my nachos off to the side in front of my little trash pandas. Their answering squeaks of excitement as they dive right in make the fact that I have to go order more food so worth it.
“As lovely as they are, there are things theycan’tdo for you that an actual person can. Especially ones with guns.” Nana’s aura pulses with humor before she stands to take her turn on the lane.
Bowling with my nana is the highlight of every week. No matter what we have going on, we always find time to come out to the bowling alley and pig out on junk food while we catch up. Though it’s getting harder and harder lately with the restrictions her assisted living center is placing on her.
Yeah, Nana lives in assisted care. She used to live with me until her health started deteriorating too much for me to handle. I lost her one day when she forgot where she was. Having wandered out of the grocery store while I was grabbing the milk, I turned around for just a second and poof; she was gone. Six hours and fifteen million panic attacks later, we found her trying to catch a train to Chicago. She had no idea why she was there, or what she was doing, and when she woke up the next day and realized what happened…well, let’s just say that Nana is a rational woman. She knew it was time.
See, Nana has Alzheimer’s disease. It started out with just a few lost memories–not remembering where she placed her keys or whether she went to the store already–then it progressed to wandering and getting lost, mood-swings and outbursts. When she lost six hours of life and almost went to Chicago, she knew it was just a matter of time, and she didn’t want to place that burden on me.
I argued with her. Of course I argued. My nana is the most important person in my life and I didn’t want her to leave. But, as always, I lost the fight. Really, I couldn’t come up with a rational argument and she knew it. I had no leg to stand on. I’m already disabled myself–though I use the term disabled with distaste–and I can’t give her the care and support she needs as the disease progresses.
So into assisted living she went.
And lately, the center is putting more and more restrictions on her being able to leave, even with me as company. I get it, I really do. Who thinks it would be a good idea to leave an Alzheimer’s patient with a blind woman as the only responsible party? No one? I didn’t think so.
But at least, for now, we still have our bowling nights.
The old broad in question bowls a strike based on the pulsings of pride and excitement that feedback to me from her direction. Returning to her seat, I sense her shifting towards me as she opens her mouth to speak once more. “Bell…”
“Nana.” I silently pray for her to drop the subject, or maybe even forget what we are talking about. Does that make me a terrible person to wish her disease could do me a favor?
“You’re not a terrible person, just a little shit.” Nana chuckles as I grumble.
“Stop reading me!”
“Stop making it so easy! You never could be patient enough to learn to block your own aura. I’m only showing you how it could bite you in the ass!”
“Oh, because psychics are so common that I’ll run into one every day, right?”
Sarcasm is real in this one.
“No, not…every day.” I tune in to Nana’s abrupt change in mood, her aura going hazy and her mental pulses coming at me almost…distorted in nature.
“Nana?” My brow crinkles in concern when she doesn’t answer me and I reach out my hand to grab hers. She doesn’t respond to my touch and worry floods me. Gizmo and Snitch stop chowing down as they pick up on my change of emotions and scurry over mine and Nana’s hands on the table, not knowing what to do. “Nana!”
“Calm down, girl. I’m fine. Just got a little distracted, that’s all.” She brushes me off, patting my hand before pulling away. “As I was saying…Bell, you really oughta give this a chance. If you continue on as you are, well, you’ll end up alone and regretful. You never know what could be over the horizon if you actually tried to open up to people instead of pushing everyone away. But you do know what will happen to you if you don’t.”
“Nana-”
“I’m not finished!” Nana takes a deep breath before laying her hand over mine, the soft warmth of her touch contrasting starkly with the cool, unyielding surface of the table. “I won’t be around forever.” I go to interject. “Shush, let me talk.” Slamming my mouth shut, I do as I’m told. And that, in and of itself, is a miracle! “I won’t. And the fact remains, people need companionship. We rely on it. Without the love, touch, and intimacy that friendship and relationships bring, we…well, people need people. If you don’t start acknowledging that, it’ll bite you in the ass. If you don’t take steps to guard your weak points by letting others care for you out of fear of being pitied or looked down on, then everyone around you will be pitying a corpse.”
She stops for a moment, but I don’t speak, knowing from her unsteady mental vibrations that she’s struggling to keep herself on track. I may not always agree with her, but I respect her, and I will let her have her say.
“It’s okay to have vulnerabilities. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t make you a burden. What makes a burden is someone who willfully allows others to do something they are quite capable of doing themselves. That’s not you. It’s okay to need people. It’s okay to be blind.” I feel the melancholy smile she shines my way, as if I can see it with two working eyes, my throat closing with the force of the emotions she uncovers with just a few words. “Being lonely in a world filled with people is far worse than death, especially when you could have done something to stop it. Don’t let your fears control you. Be brave, my dear, and allow yourself to feel and be open. I promise you there’s nothing better than having a person to face down the entire world at your side. Now, why don’t you go order us some more food. It seems we have a couple black holes as table companions here.”
